daydreaming

daydreaming brings much joys for me.

i was dreaming of my childhood.
it was amazing time, when nothing can be feared. joyful, colorful.
remember when i was in elementary school, playing is my daily needs. i liked having adventure with my best bud, wulan, we was walking on small path, climbing trees, chasing each other, looking wild fruits. we walked throughout the river. we were naughty then. we liked escaping from our maid, and having fun outside, without telling anybody at home. i remember, we often lie, i said i would play in her home, and she said the same thing. it was so funny when our maid checked at our each home and they couldn't find us. he..
sometimes, we sat on our secret place, we called it our "headquarter". we just kept silence while seeing field, and hearing lullaby sang by birds. We were pretending as if someone else.we pretended to be princess,sailormoon,even power ranger!it was our moment. there was a watercourse there, and we played around there. there were a bunch of flowers too. Honest, like white lily.
now, i can't go there. a home was built there. we have no headquarter again. sigh.



i was daydreaming about my adolescence.
it's so fun, when we started falling in love with a guy. just foolish-love story, but i know it leaved print. we did many fool things. we had same diary, i often wonder when we will have same diary again. we crushed on same boy, but after all, we had our own boys. we spent our precious time, just to follow their attitude, their activities (their = the boy). we wasted our time, by hoping someday they will look at us, and realize there were two girls who loves them so much.
hehe, kinda freak, huh?
i can say we were obsessed. until now? i don't know.


i was daydreaming about my adulthood.
it's time, when we get mature, and being separated. we couldn't spent time together. i lived my life, so did her, in different city. kinda hard, three times in a year-meeting, but yeah.. we through it.
we lived different love stories, i was almost sad if remembering i can't follow her journey. we only talked a while, and kinda busy to take another business.



now, i dream about future.imagine pretty house with green garden at front and back. Cats chase and run around,while i feed them. Children play..
Ummm,wait?children?have i mentioned "children"?
Oh no,c'mon,back to present. It doesn't mean i don't wanna any,but hellow..
I am still 20,and there are many things i can do before having baby!
Married is one of them.

PMS

i dislike hectic on friday. it annoys me and break everything. today is all crap. me, not the day. i become damn-childish-spoiled girl ever. friday should be amazing day, gate which introduces us to weekend. too bad, today isn't. blamed myself already, and of course my PMS. yeah.. i know, most of u must said, "oh, please..not that pms again..", but really can't help but say, "guys.. girl do feel bad when we get it, and we can't do anything". i mean it.
world soon changes into enemy, and all things that befriended with us go away.
sweet tone in head become evil, and try to make things get worse.
oh.. i hate pms so much, when all comes irrational, and i really feel mad with people.
i irritated many people, and one of them even said, "hell la.. you're so peevish today"
( well, he didn't say as honest as that, but approximately like that).
i am officially desperately bad mood, and poured my anger to everyone. poor them. they know nothing.

can't concentrate, hope it'll end immediately.

Buku adalah Teman, huh?

Buku adalah Teman.

haha..old school-proverb..mendadak gw jadi sok oldies dan melankolis gini soal buku.
masalahnya di Medan ini, begitu pulang kantor, no things can entertain me but books. it's real. ga ada kompie disini ( i miss momot so much, can't do anything without her..her???haha..).
emang ada TV di rumah kos gw, cuma seringnya gw segan dan pakewuh buat gabung dan nonton bareng. Huff, lagian mau lihat apa?? sinetron> lagi? hell, get bored with all dramatic scenes provided in our screen. Can all indonesia producers make up their mind, and think someting different??
i am so impressed with outsider's.
don't u know their series, like Heroes, Smallville, or Gossip Girl? it blew like Mango Sale at year end!!!!! supposed we should make new innovation here..


yeah, yeah.. enough with all crap.
finally, gw balik ke hobi lama gw. yaaah, sebenarnya juga ga lama-lama amat sih.. tapi dengan semua kesibukan baru gw di kantor, gw rada-rada ga sempet aja buat hang out, dan searching buku-buku bagus.
tapi, setelah pindah ke Medan, dan ga punya kesibukan lain setelah pulang dari kantor, akhirnya gw mulai lagi teradiksi sama buku.

believe it or not, baru 2 minggu gw di Medan, gw udah ngabisin buanyaaaaaak banget cuma buat buku, dan di kamar gw udah kayak ada perpustakaan pribadinya gitu,hehe..

ini daftar buku yang gw beli selama 2 minggu ini.
1. Pillars of The Earth - Ken Follet
gw udah lama banget nyari buku ini. dulu gw pernah pinjem dan baca, dan gw terpesona. sumpah. buku ini punya 1000 halaman lebih, dan gw inget gw belain - belain baca buku itu nonstop dari jam 9 malem, sampe jam 12 siang keesokan harinya! gw ga pernah nemuin buku yang begitu detail, penokohan karakternya kuat, dan alurnya bikin penasaran. u better find it out ASAP. ga bakal nyesel, cuma butuh sedikit pengorbanan waktu aja buat bacanya. plus kesabaran, buat orang-orang yang ga suka baca buku tebel-tebel,he..

2. The World is Flat - Thomas L. Friedman
gw adalah tipe orang yang baca buku sekali jadi. which means, gw selalu ngabisin buku dalam sekali baca. gw bukan tipe orang yang naro buku ke meja sebelum buku itu selesai gw baca. tapi buat buku ini, i really give up. sebenernya gw juga beli gara - gara referensi dari beberapa orang yang bisa gw bilang hebat lha, jadi gw penasaran buat baca. quite interesting, apalagi tentang istilah-istilah baru yang buat gw amazed banget, cuma buat gw yang baru PERTAMA KALI ini memasuki wilayah bisnis dan globalisasi, gw sedikit dibuat pusing sih, he..
Sampe posting ini dibuat, gw belum selesai baca buku ini, padahal gw udah beli dari 2 minggu lalu,he..

3. Maryamah Karpov - Andrea Hirata
Lucu juga. Gw kemaren ke Gramedia buat nyari novel terakhir dari tetraloginya Laskar Pelangi ini. gw kecewa banget ps mbaknya bilang kalo stoknya abis. gw juga udah puter-puter Gramedia buat memastikan, dan emang ga ada. Bete banget, akhirnya gw mutusin buat nonton Twilight (btw, ni film keren banget. i found new toy. edward cullen. he's so adorable. and kissable. haha)
abis nonton, iseng gw balik lagi ke Gramedia, dan magically di samping novel Edensor, ada novel Maryamah Karpov!!! Tinggal 1 eksemplar!!! gw juga ga tau darimana, cz sebelumnya emang ga ada..tapi ga peduli, langsung gw ambil dan bayar ke kasir saat itu juga. hoho..

4. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
jujur, blum sempet gw baca. cuma dapet referensi dari blog Dian Sastro aja.

5. Kisah Daud dan Trista 2 - S Mara Gd
Yah, sedikit aneh kalo gw bilang gw adalah real fans dari S Mara Gd. mungkin jarang kali ya orang seumuran gw yang suka sama novel-novelnya yang nota bene tentang pembunuhan dan detektif-detektifan. but i really love her, and no offense, she has same quality with Conan Doyle and Agatha Christie.

6. Nice Girls Don't Get Rich-75 Kesalahan Perempuan dalam Mengelola Uang.
gw lupa nama penulisnya, dan blum sempet baca bukunya juga. tapi kayaknya buku ini COCOK banget sama gw yang selalu trapped at discount time and sale, hoho..

Selain buku di atas, gw juga udah beli 7 komik Conan dan 3 majalah! aduuuh, addict sih boleh aja, tapi kalo kayak gini, ga baek juga ya..
tapi mau gimana lagi, cuma buku satu-satunya temen gw saat ini.

Idul Adha

Lebaran sendiri.

Waw..being alone is frightened thing.
Dan sekarang gw ngalamin itu.
Dari kemaren,gw uda nyoba nguatin hati dan bilang, "c'mon,it won't be that bad",tapi pas pagi ini,gw buka mata,trus ngedenger sweet tone dari orang-orang yg takbiran di mesjid depan rumah,gw langsung berpikir,"sigh,it's painful anyway.."
gw bahkan harus memaksakan diri buat bangun,dan sempet terlintas di benak gw buat skip salat Ied,how nasty,tp akhirnya gw bangun jg,dan langsung preparing buat salat Ied.

What a surprise,begitu sampai di mesjid,gw liat "sedikit" banget orang yg dateng. Gw lupa,gw berada di Medan,dimana populasi Muslimnya so so. Gw terbiasa dengan lapangan yg full sm orang berbaju koko,dan bermukena,jd rada sedikit amazed aja,lihat komunitas yg bener-bener kecil ini.


Sekarang,gw udah duduk manis di kamar,dgn perut kenyang (makasih bu Ida,udah nyiapin lontong opor..),enjoy the circumstances.
Suasana pagi ini gloomy bgt,sedikit mendung,angin dingin kadang2 lewat. Miss my mum so much,gw pikir dia juga pasti ngerasa kesepian yg sama dengan gw.


. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (i've became senseless. I'll continue writing later)

Toba Lake

Hey!
I just wanna tell u,right now i write from Toba Lake!
Yipee!
Cant believe i am here,never wondered before i can visit this place.
Yesterday,i went with my friends (all of them are boys,you must know my condition..),decided to go although we had no idea what will we through,cz noone from us had gone there before!
Haha,we had no maps too,just asked and asked to other people.
Tough journey,feel like "si Bolang",you know?
This adv. is both exciting and scary. We went there by bus. I let my life hanged by destiny and belief.
I was scared when night was coming and we hadn't arrived. Cant tell it to my boy-friends,afraid that they would see me as a coward. I tried to show my braveness,and got relax instead of saying what my heart feels.

But,it's worth!
When we through mountain paths,we saw many glitters above..
That's the lake!
Waw..kinda glimmer of hope,my friend said.
When we got bored with this journey,finally we saw glimpse of lamps,glowing in the dark,and it reflected on the lake's surface.
Can't describe what i see..it's so desperately beautiful.
Hope u can come here someday and feel what i feel now.
Ps.i'll publish some pics ASAP after going home from here.

early morning

"KONSULTAN GILA!!!!!!!"

Barusan gw baru denger Sani teriak itu..
(sani is my office-mate, an OJT too..)
it's so early in the morning and he has got some complaint!!!!!
hehe, but i didnt blame him at all..

i was too lazy to write in English. yesterday was hard, and today will also be.

kemarin Sani dapet kerjaan ngitung volume buat proyek Rumah Sakit USU. Volume beton, bekisting dan besinya. He was so excited, and so did I, coz it'll be my first technical assignment here.
i was going to help him soon.

tugas pertama adalah ngitung volume kolom.
and guess??
gw blum pernah liat konfigurasi tulangan kolom seaneh ini!!
Tulangan kaitnya mencong-mencong teu pararuguh, tulangan utamanya ga bentuk konfigurasi segiempat yang sempurna.

gw jadi bingung..
apa gw yang ketinggalan jaman dan ga tau perkembangan struktur terkini, atau drafter proyek ini yang ngantuk, dan ga becus ngegambar?

however, gw juga ngeliat Sani ngerutin keningnya, dan gw bernafas lega. Ternyata bukan gw aja yang bengong ngeliat gambar yang aneh ini.

After all, we had finished column yesterday, so we start estimating for beam today.
dan kata-kata pertama yang Sani bilang begitu liat drawingnya...

"KONSULTAN GILA!"

Yup..susunan balok yang aneh, bingungin, dan njelimet.
haha..bahkan gw ga bisa menggunakan bahasa Indonesia yang baik dan benar buat ngegambarinnya.
didnt get it. it's only ordinary 6th story-university hospital, and they design 83 types of beam, 40 types of columns, and spider's foundation!
konstruksi sarang laba-laba!
kasian ucup, he must draw it again for...uhm, i didnt get idea what its purposes..

ok..must back to the work.
just wish me next best things in life, ok!

Anger at the Night

Life is world of lies and unhappines. Nope, i didnt talk about this whole world. I am talking about me.
Only God knows,how hard i've struggle for being here. No matter with me,i didnt care. I've just thought my mum,how to make her glad without thinking myself. It's sweet,isn't it?
I was wrong.i must take care of me first.ok,call me selfish-egoistic girl,but it's true.how come you'll make other people happy when u didnt pursuit your own happiness?
Remember when we take flight?stewardess always said,if any trouble happened,we MUST take care ourself first than another.
Even MOTHER and her BABY.First,i didnt get it.of course,a mother will get her baby safe first than herself,but now i see.
If she cant help herself,how will she come help another,esp.her baby?
Huh,a complicated analogy,i know.
I feel like that mother. At one side,i think i dont take any caring of myself.i made all of wars for other people.for my mother,especially.for my bf.for the FUTURE,which i wont even know it'll be there or no.
Future is so absurd,why cant we forget it and take some relax?why must we plan of it,arrange some ideas that makes me freak and try hard to pursue it?
I know,dream is our way holding our world. But it cant be better,if ur DREAM is affected by other people.
DREAM should be yours,totally yours.


Exactly,i dunno what's the purpose of this writing.i've lost my way,and cant think clearly. I am ok being here,but i should get better one. I hate wasting time here,sitting down from 8 to 5,doing nothing,and it repeats on and on. Hate it,hate it,hate it. Want something dynamic,what must i do?
I dont want my time wasted away like this.time's too precious to be done like garbage.we only live once, i wanna get something better than this.i wanna think of MYSELF only,no care of people's talk,and enjoy life.
I just want my sensibility back.

Just u and i,maybe u think i am coward,or a bit sarcasm,right?yeah,totally suitable labels for me.

Gender

Damn!
I've written a lot,but i pushed wrong button,and it erased all.
I'll tell u and publish it later.

-UPDATE AT EVENING-
Okey,
today is hard for me.workless in office,friendless,laptopless.really need a laptop.ASAP.i didnt get a pc,so dunno what 2 do.crap!no idea how to get matters for my assessment,if i only round on confusing.
I feel jealous to my guymate.i really,really dont want to discuss gender,but i feel it in my industry.feels everybody underestimate me cz i am a woman.
Uh,remember my last posting?i told u that i can handle being only girl in "town".
Well,the fact..
I cant.
It's tough,hanging out with some male that i never knew before.
Dont get it wrong,they're so friendly.they treat me well.but after all,of course we're different.
I just cant asked them for going out,accompanying me shop 'til i drop,
they cant give some good advices whether that shoes fix my feet or no.
I cant share my secret about adorable guy I met. (i have no doubt,they will laugh at me)
i cant ask them to sleepover at my place.
Damn,being lonely again.

I cant afford it.world without feminism.there's just me.only me,who wear heels everyday.i even cant tell them how glad i am,getting limited edition-lip balm from The Body Shop! (c'mon,they dont even know what The Body Shop is!)

i need girlmate.ASAP.

Well,nothing's perfect i know.

Ps. I just want to tell u,first time i came to office, i wore high heels-peep toe,and it knocked the floor. "knock,knock,knock...",and after that,all employers saw me like i am freak girl who has lost my way.geez.u wont believe it. But it did happened.