Red and White

Well, when my country is having bilateral problems with nearest neighborhood country, and everyone develop their rage and nationalism, I should be honest that I don't know what's wrong in my head. I am not proud of being Indonesian. Truly. Should I say that if another country offered me its nationality, it will be very possible that I will nod and say yes.


Am I wrong? When everyone compete to perform their nationalism, hold several demonstration, attack the ambassador of our "enemy", I do think that they shouldn't do that way. People act vandalism everywhere, and fighting, as they know what it's all about. Yes, I know, many people were getting killed in order struggling our independence, but still. Never give respect to a country who isn't able to protect their own citizen. Country who doesn't have proper government, and representative parliament whose job is spend our taxes for having fun and shopping abroad. Yes, you maybe say, "Hey, never ask what your country has given to you, but think what you have given to your country", but I don't care. I live here, I work here, I work in government body, I pay taxes to country. Would it be too much, if I ask few kindness from my own country?

Anger and Impatience

Should know from beginning, that anger and impatience wouldn't bring any good to our life, but sometimes, in meantime, although we never mean it, it happens. For example, today. I am a kind of people who always complain when Monday comes, hopes that weekend could be little bit longer, and hard to move my body out off bed, because of cold weather and comfort blanket. Imagine how lazy I am today, very not in good mood, and suddenly something's going wrong with my netbook. I  don't know what happen, my netbook keeps restarting on and on. It's annoying, my boyfriend just purchased it three days ago, now, we've already faced problems? So, I start to find someone to blame, and there he is. Okay, he is the one who purchased it, but maybe, who knows? There is always one in a million chance that you are given bad product, but it's not his fault. But all I think is, Oh my God, how could he be so sloopy, and didn't check the product first? So, I become angry, and angrier when I found that I've lost the task I've done before.

He says he's worried, and will try to come back to my place to see what's wrong with my netbook. I say no, but he insists. Now, he aren't able to be contacted, and I feel so much guilty. Where are you exactly?

So, see, once again my emotion beats me. I should think logically,not release irrational rage. At least, rage only bring regret to me.

One More...

... good news. My friend from Jeddah has already told me that she's finally pregnant. Alhamdulilah ya Allah, but why do I feel, there are many lucky and happy couple around me? No, I am happy enough, living my personal life, but it feels like something should be changed...

White Wedding

Feel nice to know that I still have some spare times to update a little bit post here.


So, here it is. One of my friends is getting married. Make it two. She will get married with one of my close friend too. :)


I am glad. Relief. If only you knew how he was struggling to get her heart, maybe you're going to give him standing ovation. How come? The girl always refuse, say no, even ask him to get away from his life, but no, no, the boy kept insisting (in good way, of course), waited patiently, until now..


Hmm.. I always love happy ending, don't you?


So, when will my time come? I hope as soon as possible. Somehow, I used to think a lot, how can we afford a party, or get life after marriage. What will we do if we are separated because of our job, and do we have any choice to solve expense problem. We save, but still there are a lot things to be thought. Where are we gonna stay? When will we have a baby? Should we plan it or just let it happen?


But sometimes, I think the opposite. Why it took so many consideration? Why can we go on and let Allah do the rest? Human make efforts, but finally God will decide. At least we're trying, aren't we?


Let time answers. And when the answer comes, I do hope it'll be best answer for all of us. :)

Uncomfort Zone

Now I suddenly feel like life's stabbing me from the back. Time besieged from all directions, exhausting, asphyxiating. I often find myself mad at something unreal, gloomy every seconds, and sometimes it's really hard to define happiness. Have you ever wanted to exchange your life, into a totally different life? Wanted to be surrounded by someone else that you are not familiar with, and having contrast life from what you're having now? Imagine that you're someone else, with other identity, other family?

I can't imagine that I have this feeling now,when I am near with my family.  Sometimes your closest people can turn become stranger, that maybe will be your nightmare. You are supposed to be safe, comfortable, but all you want to do is get out of here. You feel that you don't belong to here. Then you start to think how to make time flies fast, how to spend more times outside home, and how can you bring your beloved one near to you, so you can bring your comforts back.


Here, supposed to be my comfort zone, but I feel the way around.

Reminding You..

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Night Intense

Suddenly i feel strong power encouraging me to write this night. Honestly, I have no idea what to write, and I am too busy to prepare for exam tomorrow, but the power has been so intense lately, so I give up, and start writing.

I miss Yogya. When did last time I visit there? A year ago? Two years ago? Yogyakarta will always be my favorite holiday spot. I always feel kind of eternal tranquility just with entering the town. Even when I was just sitting and enjoyed windy weather, I could smell nice and exotic-scented around me. Yogya's surroundings is calming me. Never too old. Never too crowd. Never be bored.

Mom, I miss you like crazy. My perfect fan, best friend, half of my life. Life's getting hard, mom. On and on. Being far with you is always be hardest part in my life. I always miss the time when I can lean on your shoulder, hug you, kiss you. How I miss your talkative talks, your strong thoughts. It's me mom, trying to make you proud. Always. I know, I'll never could stand up for these whole time if you weren't there for me. But, there you are. Happy and sad. Far or near. I love you, I love you, I love you, Mom. Let's fighting together, Mom.

Grandma, yesterday I was dreaming of you. It's been long time since you visited me in my last dream. How are you, Grandma? Are you happy with timeless life? Does He keep you well? I believe He does, for a sweet and nice grandma like you were. Sometimes I was remembering time we had spent together. They were beautiful, weren't they? But, sometimes I regret because you can't see me growing up. That's what you always want to do right? See your grandchildren growing up, graduating, married, and starting new life. I really, really, really hope you are able to see me passing those phases. I really wish you could see me on my wedding days. Taking care of my pregnancy. Accompanying me on my delivery date. You were so good on those things, even better than mom. :) How could I do it without you? But I believe you are happy now Grandma. See you later, I love you so much, so deep.
 

Different Perspective

It's nice when I am able to spare sometimes for just sitting in front of my laptop, writing something while accompanying my boyfie watching Germany vs Argentina. I am on Germany team, of course, but too nervous to watch it by myself, scared if my favorite team lose, so I order my boyfie to watch it for me, although he is on Argentina team. :)

My life is okay. Rushing, yes. But I am happy. Meet many new friends, learn new things.

I'll tell you something. Some of my friends regret my decision to start working here. Just because it's totally different from my major. Well, if I don't appreciate them, maybe I'll just go and say, "Mind your own business, please." But, they are my friends. And I love them. so here it is, from the deep of my heart.


I have no regret in my life. For choosing this job. I believe life is learning process. It's a honor for me to be given chance for learning something new. And I believe, any major we've chosen, any lesson we've studied, and wherever you applied it, it'll be good for you if you do it completely. Sincerely. There no wasted knowledge. If I were cumlaude on my major, then I decide to be a house-wife, it doesn't mean I neglect my title, right? we have our own role, different in good way. So, maybe we have own perspective to see it, but you must know it. I never regret it. :)


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