March 22, 2010


Here I am. Jobless. Do you believe that we have to adapt from multiple kinds of business to none to do? Maybe, you'll imagine a free and enjoyable day, where you can spend beautiful day with a lot daydreaming and heavy sleeping. Oh, yes, I was pleased to say that I already had this day. But, somehow, you'll feel kinda boring, isn't it?

So, I think, what should I do next? Should I open my past dreams, and think to reach them? It's kinda hard, tough, feels like opening Pandora box, full of regrets, and trashes. when I decided to open it, there were many sorry in my heart, regret why I didn't do it long time ago.

And, still after having quarter century of life, I was anxious of my decision. What do exactly I want, whether it's all my opinion, or affected by someone else. Can you imagine, that even I'm hardly trusting myself? It's real crisis, I think. I am here, no one can help but me. It's the time, when i must be mature, i couldn't whim to my mom, like I always do.

So, I say to myself, be brave! you have nothing to lose, and this is your life. whatever your parents said, the decision is all yours, and none should affect it. I was into my greatest fear, being failed people. But, nothing bad being failed, if it was first step to our success, right?

I am going to take some scholarships. I am interested to continue my master. Why not? Learning is process, and we do it during our life. I am still young, and there are a lot things to learn. I must search scholarship, cause I don't think I could afford the tuition fee, but I'll try to pursue it. You live your life once time, it's not wise if you're not bold to take a different step in your life. Changes are needed, and I'd like to do it. There's nothing impossible, if you have an ambition!! Rrrr.. am I sounds like a motivator or something??

No, I just try to tell you what I feel. Everyone, let us pursue or dream!! :)

March 06, 2010

It's really magic!

What magic?
it's what internet and technology bring to us!

I can say, I have to make big decision in my life, I'll never do it before. Maybe, I'll quit from my job, because I felt tired, powerless every time. Some loyal readers must understand, how much time should I spend every day, and weekend, just for working. So, I decide, yes, I need time for myself, and this is it! Be bold, be brave! And, for you, who's still anxious about my job, you can see here for information. :)

And, the magic is.. not my braveness, or something, but I had received some nice comments in this blog and my Facebook accounts. My last two post is exactly tell what I felt, and here they come. From nowhere, suddenly, i read many nice replies, nice suggestion, which even makes me cry. :) I even don't know them face to face, but after all, they were there. They read my writings, and thanks God, they put their selves in my shoe. I am a bit confuse, why some of unknown people could be so friendly, but my own trust-able friends become so annoying.

Well, it's technology! Never feel so connected til know, and i am really grateful about that. Thanks for your caring and attention. You can open my blog, read, and just go away, but instead you share your minutes to keep a good comment here. You have no idea how it means to me. Sweet! :)

So, readers, if I say your comments make my day, it really is. I hope you never get bored. wish me luck, and hope you have great life! See you!!

Apologize part.2

Berat. Berat banget. Keputusan ini gak gw ambil dalam semalam dua malam aja. Makanya gw gak terima kalau ada orang-orang yg bilang ini adalah pikiran kekanakan gw saja. Hey, I am growing up! Gw udah memikirkan baik buruknya, konsekuensi yg harus gw terima. Once again, freedom always comes with a price. Mungkin yang terburuk adalah pikiran orang lain yang mengatakan bahwa gw kekanakan. Childish. Atau yang bilang gw lari dari perjuangan. Pengecut. Coward.

Gw gak menyalahkan. Mungkin gw pengecut. Penakut. Ada orang-orang yang bilang kalo gw terlalu childish, masih butuh waktu banyak untuk main, yang otomatis terenggut di saat gw di proyek. Oh, iya. Gw dengan tegas menyatakan, iya, gw butuh waktu lebih banyak buat gw. Gw pingin weekend gw bisa dihabiskan dengan keluarga. Gw pingin punya waktu buat istirahat, nonton, nulis jurnal pribadi gw, bukannya langsung tidur begitu nyampe rumah karena kelelahan. Gw pingin bisa shopping, tanpa harus lewat online shop. Gw pingin bisa olahraga lagi tiap malam. At least, gw pingin istirahat dengan tenang kalo lagi sakit. Bukannya ditelpon, dan didesak-desak masuk kantor.

Gw banyak mau? Yes, I am! Why not? I deserve better. Gw trus memikirkan ini. Banyak orang di sekitar gw, yang nggak puas dengan pekerjaannya, gaji yg nggak sesuai dengan gilanya waktu kerja, tapi tetap nggak bisa bergerak, karena mereka gak punya pilihan lain. Gw salut, karena gw pasti gak tau apa yg harus gw lakuin, seandainya gw punya tanggung jawab besar terhadap keluarga seperti mereka. Akankah gw seberani ini dan memutuskan untuk pergi?

Kalau menjadi dewasa artinya memutuskan untuk TIDAK mengikuti kata hati, maka saat ini juga gw memutuskan tidak mau dewasa. Gw cuma berharap, setiap orang mau menerima keputusan yang gw buat. It's hard, man! Apa lo gak pikir kalo gw juga menyimpan perasaan bersalah ke semua orang yang gw tinggalin disana?

Seriously, i've never made such a big decision until now. Semua pendapat gw denger, gw masukin ke pertimbangan. Tapi sekali lagi, ini hidup gw. Please, hargai keputusan gw.

Dan, buat teman-teman yang terus bertahan, gw akan selalu berdoa. Kita sama-sama tau perjuangan masing-masing, pengorbanan waktu hanya untuk memenuhi tanggung jawab kepada keluarga. Orang-orang disekeliling gw adalah pahlawan. Meninggalkan anak yang sakit, istri yang sedang hamil tua adalah pemandangan yang biasa disini. Dan jujur, gw gak mau itu terjadi dalam hidup gw. So, let me say, move on.

March 04, 2010


First, I'd like to apologize because this post will be written in Bahasa.

Akhirnya gw mencapai limit yang menurut hati dan pikiran gw adalah yang termaksimal.Selama 5 bulan ini, gw sudah mencoba bersabar dan beradaptasi dengan pekerjaan gw yang baru. Gw tau dari awal kalo pekerjaan gw gak mudah. Bagaimanapun lingkungan proyek, dimana populasi cewek sangat minim (di posisi gw,malah hanya ada gw sendiri), jam kerja yang panjang (believe it or not, sehari gw bisa kerja kurang lebih 15 jam), kehilangan waktu weekend (sabtu minggu gw jg masuk),dan kerjaan yg indescribable, gak bisa cocok dengan gw.

no, gw ga bicara gender. Yes, I am woman, but i do believe many females could do anything harder than me now. Masalahnya, gw gak happy. Sesimple itu. Gw memang orangnya selalu sulit adaptasi tapi kali ini I've tried. At least for 5 months.

dan pada akhirnya gw ga menemukan alasan untuk tinggal. Kalaupun ada alasan, itu adalah temen-temen kerja gw yg begitu menakjubkan. Gw sayang mereka semua. Setiap orang begitu baik, mengajari hal-hal yang gak pernah gw bayangin sebelumnya. Mereka yang menahan gw untuk tidak melakukan ini lebih cepat. dan, believe it or not, saat menulis ini dan membayangkan mereka, gw ngerasa sayaaaaang sekali. Mereka udah seperti kakak, paman,ayah,dan kakek. I'll miss them a lot.

Tapi sekali lg, walopun gw sayang mereka, tapi gw harus lebih sayang diri gw sendiri. Sampai saat ini gw masih bertanya-tanya apakah ini benar? Tapi, pada akhirnya gw harus ngambil keputusan, dan inilah keputusan gw.

Pasti banyak yang menyesali keputusan gw. Beberapa orang bilang mungkin suatu hari gw bisa mencapai posisi tinggi di proyek. Yang mereka gak tau, kalo gw gak punya ambisi untuk jadi pemimpin. Gw cuma mau jadi diri gw sendiri. bahagia. sederhana. Bisa punya waktu banyak buat diri gw sendiri..

(to be continue)

March 01, 2010


I've been thinking all day long, and found that I was lost. Maybe, sometimes, i regret it, why must i spent my young age in this suck place, did unfairness to other people, and myself. I dunno, it's annoying, but I was to scared to get out. There's so many "what if" in my mind, so I couldn't make any decisions. I wish I could be braver. Flying away from this job, and discover what exactly I wanna do.

Could you find differences between runaway for giving up and runaway for searching something better? If i leave now, do i look surrender? Do I look weak and powerless? Well, i wish i own any ideas to show my power limit, but actually i don't. I can differ if I can't resist it anymore, or it just my spoiled behavior?

I was tired, and I've been saying it loud on and on. But, why i didn't go away? Why do i stay? I don't love this, I even don't know any reason to stay. Did I afraid of matters? Money? Maybe it's true, but happiness can be bought by money, right? It's true, indeed, even most of them saying the opposite.

Trying to be happy by sharing happiness to other. I hope I can make you glad, but sometimes I couldn't hide my gloomy feelings. So sorry for this imperfection. But, readers, we're still human being, who needs to complain sometimes, right? I don't find justification, but you all must be agree, sometimes I need to spam.

It's only another ordinary day in life, nothing different, but I need one. I need a difference. It's too flat, I feel dead. Is anyone who can help me through these?


Another Announcement

Hey everyone! Thanks for participating in Pick A Bag, i absolutely appreciate it. Well, actually, I've decided it, but let me tell you later. :)

Well, i'd like to share you about two great giveaway. One, held by Michelle from Glisters and Blisters, do you know this amazing fashion blog? She arrange nice giveaway, and you should join it! Free jewelry for all of you!! Further information, click here!

I am drooling! Can you see how cute this ring???

Well, another one is FREE book!! aaah.. how i love books sooooo much! I always love idea of getting free book, and this time, the nice person who giving it is Vixxio, book-store from Surabaya. If you hadn't visited them, do visit them, cause they sell used books, and you can purchase it with very berry cheap prize!

And, for free books, you can see here. I almost scream when i see Mary Higgins Clark is one of them! Oh, I love her! I always love her thriller plot, and.. oh.. i mumble too much. I'll tell about her in my book blog.

Tempting! I want this one!!! XD

So, what are you waiting for? Go get them!!