August 23, 2017

After Resign

Nggak kerasa awal September nanti adalah tepat satu tahun setelah saya berhenti bekerja. Seriusan nggak kerasa, Satu tahun, saya nggak nyangka saya bakal bisa betah di rumah selama itu. Saya kira sebentar saja saya bakal merengek frustasi ke suami supaya bisa kerja lagi (it happened! Sometimes!) atau stress karena di rumah terus-terusan. Banyak sekali perubahan di kehidupan saya, cerita sedikit saja ya... siapa tahu ada yang mau membaca dan terinspirasi untuk resign juga :p

Keuangan

Dari awal merencanakan untuk mengundurkan diri, memang keuangan merupakan salah satu hambatan utama saya. Karena suami dan saya merupakan kelas pekerja, ya kalo nggak bekerja ya udah, nggak bisa ngapa-ngapain. Nggak bisa berharap dari orang tua apalagi warisan. We are one of that sandwich generation, kalo kata Ligwina Hananto. Makanya keuangan menjadi concern utama, bagaimana nanti dana pendidikan Zafran, bagaimana membantu orang tua dan adik masing-masing, dan bagaimana KPR lunas (!!!). Itu garis besarnya sih. Tapi jauh di lubuk hati yang paling dalam, sebenarnya saya sedikit ngeri mengubah lifestyle. Hahahaha, receh banget nggak sih? Tapi jujur aja, pasti ada yang mikirin ini juga kaaaan? Masih bisa jalan-jalan keluar pulau (atau keluar negeri) tiga bulan sekali atau nggak (which is sulit juga dilakukan waktu saat bekerja sih, permohonan cuti aja diinterogasi setengah mati #curcol), masih bisa nongkrong cantik di coffee shop favorit apa enggak, masih bisa beli liquid lipstick sekaligus enam apa enggak (lagian beli sekaligus enam, bibir cuma satu -___-). Saya juga berpikir seperti itu, walaupun beberapa teman saya meyakinkan kalau ketakutan itu nggak akan terjadi. Kuncinya adalah suami yang pengertian. Hahaha...

Setelah saya resign dan saat ini belum memiliki penghasilan sendiri, ketakutan saya banyak yang nggak terbukti lho. Kok masih bisa ya pergi kesana sini, have fun, online shopping dimana-mana? Tentunya semua juga terbatas sih, tapi jaman dulu bekerja juga semua ada batasnya juga. Mengalami tanggal tua? Sebelum dan setelah bekerja saya masih mengalami tanggal tua. Jadi perbedaannya apa?

Tampaknya pekerjaan saya yang bikin stress setengah mati membuat saya menganggarkan satu post keuangan untuk membuat saya tetap waras. Nah itulah biasanya yang membludak setengah mati. Sekarang saya di rumah jarang punya waktu luang membosankan untuk googling online shop dan tiba-tiba klik sana sini dan belanja. Kadang terjadi sih. Tapi nggak separah dulu waktu masih bekerja. Intinya nggak seseram yang saya bayangkan sebelum ini. Minimal, walaupun dana pensiun masih belum terkumpul tapi dana darurat sih masih ada yaaaa...

Kenapa nggak usaha, cari uang sendiri? Kan akan lebih baik kalau wirausaha, jadi womenpreuner atau apapun itu? Yang pertama, nggak bakat. Hahaha.. Yang kedua, pemalas. Iya loh, saya pemalas. Yang ketiga, ada satu alasan yang sebenarnya malas diceritakan disini karena kesannya pembelaan diri aja, jadi kita skip aja yaaa... #nggakniat

Sehari-hari

Sebelum resign : Kerja
Setelah resign : Kerja

Loh kok sama sih? Ya iya emang, kadang malah saya nggak punya banyak waktu buat leyeh-leyeh di rumah karena harus jadi uber driver, koki, guru dan dokter buat anak saya. Emang ya, punya anak sekarang itu riweuh banget, jaman dulu kayanya dilepas aja bebas. Tapi emang mau apa anak dilepas kesana kemari? Belum awal-awal resign saya menganggap ibu rumah tangga harus accomplish yang sama dong sama ibu bekerja. KPI-nya harus memuaskan. Tapi capek banget loh kaya gitu, malahan jadi suka kesel sama anak sendiri. Mending yang cukup-cukup aja, cukup memuaskan.
Kangen kegiatan kantor? Ih, banget. Tapi bukan kangen kerjanya. Kangen bisa istirahat sebentar sehabis makan siang. Kangen bisa makan siang dan ngobrol sama temen kantor. Kangen gajian. Ah, ini mah saya aja kali, kurang berambisi.

Happy nggak?

Pernah baca di blog seseorang, kalau nggak salah Leija's, kalo happiness is process, not result. Menurut saya ya kebahagiaan saya saat ini ya proses juga. Naik turun. Sama ajalah pas masih bekerja. Kadang ada saatnya saya wondering, hidup begini amat ya, udah susah-susah cum laude tetep aja berkutatnya di dapur. Tapi ada saatnya juga saya menyesal kenapa nggak resign dari anak saya lahir aja dan megang anak sepenuhnya. Kadang saya sedih nggak bisa bantu suami cicil-cicil KPR. Tapi kadang saya juga senang saat ini bisa punya waktu senggang, bisa lari pagi, bisa belajar masak dan bisa berkomunikasi sama anak lebih baik.

Jadi resign jangan?

Ya jangan lah. Hahahahaha. Semua tergantung sih, saya merasa pekerjaan saya yang dulu not worth it. Makanya resign. Bukannya saya bilang kalau ada pekerjaan yang sebanding sama anak dan keluarga ya, tapi saya percaya kalau perempuan itu punya hak untuk memilih. Lagipula kebahagiaan ibu saat berpengaruh kepada kebahagiaan keluarganya juga, ya nggak?

August 20, 2017

Dear God...

I. CAN'T. SLEEP.

TOO MANY THINGS HAVE HAPPENED. I think I've been overstimulated. Oh, and coffee. Is a bitch. Not really, it was pretty good but now I am still awake.

God. How reality sucks. I mean, there are many things I should be grateful for. Healthy life. Healthy family. Good food. Premiere of The Defenders. But when you become adult, practically everything  sucks, doesn't it? Or am I becoming a cynic?

I must be rambling. Tommorow, or next month when I read this post, I am going to decide if I have to delete it because it is so embarassing. I never delete a post. EVER. Oh. That was one time I post something about a life of a friend. Didn't mention her name but still she objected it, so I removed it to draft. Still haven't deleted it, I think, I'll consider to repost it sometimes. I guess it'll be fine since she never read my blog again. I think.

So, I have to wake up at 5. Now 2.45. Sucks. I planned to go running in the morning but I have no idea whether I'll be able to. One day when my son gets older and he reads my blog, will he think that I was an incompetent mom? Struggling to get a sleep while he needs to be fed in the morning?

I have to put my phone away. Yeees, I've done it before. So many times. But still can't sleep. Let's do it again. One more time.

August 01, 2017

29..

Turned out to be good. Maybe because I am a grown up, I didn't make a fuss about it. But surprise, surprise! Husband brought flowers and cake in my birthday eve, we ended up having some cakes on Saturday night. Last he bought me a cake is.... eight years ago? Haha. Anyway, on Saturday, husband and I had a quiet lunch together, I had fried chicken steak and he had Nasi Campur Bali. And because his plate looked tastier, I asked him to switch plate with mine. What a wonderful husband, haha.
On Sunday, we went to Kebun Raya Cibodas. It was our first time. Overall we had good time although son a bit complained because at first we planned to go to Taman Bunga. But we bribed him with choco peanut ice cream at Spatula and all is well. Son was asleep early that night, so we decided to watch Miss Peregrine's movie. That's it. What a weekend. What a 29's celebration.

June 13, 2017

Read

So, I've been assigning myself a reading chore. I was a heavy reader back then, but as life happened, social media happened and everything else, I rarely read anymore. Or limited myself to something light and entertain. Some metropop or chicklit.

But then, I made time. And Big Bad Wolf happened. Hah, I was quite unsure that I only joined the hype and people often said that they haven't had time to read the books they bought in Big Bad Wolf so I only purchased few. But, somehow an online shop in Instagram offered a big deal of Century Trilogy. I was baffled and hesitated. I was asking myself whether I was ready to commit myself, because reading a trilogy of nearly-1000-pages is hard chore for me, who is housewife, yes,  but I am having three years old kid!

The second point is the book is in English. I read Ken Follet's before and even in Bahasa, I found it overwhelmed and confusing, so many characters and place, old English, Welsh vocabulary. I didn't know whether Fall of Giants have been translated, and once again it was a good deal, three books for only 200k. So I braced myself.

It was a month ago, and now I am on book three! I have no regret, first book is stunning, I almost couldn't stop myself reading it. The second one is harder, there are many left wing-right wing discussion, I had to google differences between Communist and Fascist but I finished it anyway. Now, I am having third book and they already talked about Berlin Wall. Okay, way to go Ken Follet!

June 05, 2017

Galau Senin

Galau Senin ini dipersembahkan oleh kepergian kembali bapak suami untuk bekerja setelah empat hari kemarin full di rumah.

Kalau dihitung-hitung.. tahun ini saya dan suami sudah lima tahun menjalani long distance marriage. Sebelum itu kalau ga salah sih.. sekitar dua tahunan pacaran juga LDR-an. Nggak terlalu jauh sih... tapi untuk ukuran jalanan yang macet luar biasa, ya lumayan juga... cuma bisa ketemu seminggu sekali pas weekend aja.

Dulu waktu belum punya anak (dan load kerjaan saya belum sebanyak kemarin ini!) rasanya tinggal di dua kota yang berbeda nggak terlalu jadi masalah deh. We were treating weekend like short time holiday. Santai aja dan dibawa asyik. Dan masih muda juga kali yaaa.. jadi nggak terlalu dipikirin juga. Saya sempat berpikir kalau nanti sudah punya anak lebih happy kali ya.. saya nggak kesepian banget ditinggal suami kerja tiap hari Senin.

Eh, ternyata setelah punya anak kondisinya malah berbeda. Kebutuhan buat suami selalu ada semakin kuat. Iya sih, waktu itu Zafran masih bayi dan belum ngerti apa-apa, ada kakek neneknya juga yang siap membantu, tapi adakalanya pola pengasuhan yang berbeda membuat saya stres juga. Dan waktu itu saya nggak bisa berbuat apa-apa. Wong saya yang butuh kok. Saya kerja, suami jauh.

Zafran semakin besar saya pikir akan semakin mudah. Ternyata tidak. Bagaimanapun support system yang kuat di sekitar saya, ada hari-hari dimana saya menginginkan bisa tinggal serumah seperti pasangan lain (pada umumnya).

Setelah saya resign, usaha untuk tinggal serumah sudah mulai dilakukan. Walau ternyata nggak segampang itu sih. Masalah lokasi, biaya, fasilitas untuk anak, itu yang saat ini sedang dicoba diselesaikan satu-satu. Selama itu, mari menjadi Wonder Woman dulu selama lima hari kedepan!

PS. Posting ini disponsori perasaan galau bukan kepalang karena suami salah beli tiket kereta, jadinya harus naik bogoran (padahal puasa!) dan istrinya jadi nggak bisa tidur kepikiran. Pahalanya mudah-mudahan berlipat ganda ya beb.. amin!

June 03, 2017

Things to be grateful for.

Bisa puasa di rumah sendiri. Buka puasa sama bubur buah dan risol pedes yang udah bikin ngidam dari hari pertama puasa.

Setelah memaksakan diri ga mainan sosmed sebanyak biasanya, ternyata bisa selesai juga loh Fall of Giants! Off to book number two.

Last episode of The Handmaid's Tale. I am so shipping Nick and Offred, I wish she'll never reunite with her husband, hehe.

Setrikaan beres! Ini sangat ter-emak banget ya.

Bikin kaldu daging yang rasanya enak.

Coffee!

Suami ada di rumah dari Kamis, terus Jumat, terus besok masih Sabtu dan Minggu. Super yay (walau kalo ada dia masak2nya harus rada effort ya... bye nugget for sahur)

May 29, 2017

Klise amat ga sih kalau saya bilang.. ga kerasa yah udah Ramadhan lagi? But it is! Time flies rapidly... dan saya rada freaking out karena sebentar lagi bulan Juni. Jujur awal resign saya sempat membayangkan waktu akan berlalu sangat lambat karena kebosanan. Ternyata menjadi ibu rumah tangga itu juga sesuatu yang menyibukkan dan exhausting. Who knows? No offence yaa.. karena benar-benar ga kebayang kalo sibuknya kayak begini amat. Padahal anak baru satu. Makanya kalo tanya Zafran kapan punya adik, we'll wait and see lah. Saat ini memang saya tidak punya ART apalagi nanny (!) tapi kalo seandainya nanti saya merencanakan (atau dianugrahi) anak kedua, sepertinya ga sanggup deh kalo cuma sendirian. 😅

Berkah di bulan Ramadhan ini akhirnya saya sekeluarga bisa pindah lagi ke rumah sendiri setelah renovasi selesai. Home sweet home! Jadi selama renovasi 3 bulan lebih kemarin, saya ngungsi dulu di kontrakan. How I missed my own home! Padahal secara lokasi kontrakan juga ga jauh, memang katanya you'll never know what you have until you lose it. Kemarin mepet banget pindahan sehari sebelum puasa.. karena pingin banget bulan puasa ada di rumah. Alhamdulillah bisa terlaksana.

Daaaaan... ngomong-ngomong soal puasa... ini pertama kalinya saya puasa sambil menjadi ibu rumah tangga tanpa ART. Wish me luck? Kemarin masih ada suami di rumah.. mulai hari ini saya sendirian lagi sama bocah di rumah. They said mothers are the strongest, ini ga dilebay-lebayin deh. Mothers are literally busiest people, saya rasa. Four thumbs up deh buat working mothers, saya aja ga tau dulu kok bisa ya. Banyak kompromi sih kuncinya. Dan banyak tawakal aja.

Kangen kerja? OMG YES. Jujur kemarin-kemarin saya belum merasakan kekangenan kembali kerja dan punya gaji sendiri.... tapi akhirnya awal bulan ini saya merasakannya. Aduh... beneran deh pingin kerja lagi. Dan beneran deh galaunya mau ninggalin anak lagi. The struggle is real. Semua pilihan memang ada konsekuensinya. Kalau dibilang self-sacrifice sih saya ga setuju ya.. karena saya ga merasakan mengorbankan apapun dengan tidak kerja saat ini. Semua pilihan saya kok. Dan kalau bilang pilihan bekerja itu egois, ga juga kok. Banyak ibu bekerja dengan seribu alasan yang ga egois. Tapi buat ibu yang memiliki anak dengan kebutuhan khusus rasanya ingin selalu memantau perkembangan anak setiap hari. I really wish he's progressing well (which he is) sehingga suatu saat saya bisa mantap lagi ingin kembali bekerja. Nanti kalau udah kerja, mudah-mudahan gak kangen leyeh-leyeh di rumah hahaha.

April 22, 2017

Ini baru pertengahan April.. tapi April terasa amat melelahkan. Zafran sudah dua kali sakit dan dua kali ke dokter... yang pertama radang dan yang kedua batuk. Untungnya (orang Indonesia selalu ada aja untungnya) sakit yang kedua doski masih aktif dan banyak makannya.. waktu radang dia literally makan cuma sesuap dua suap dan sepanjang hari tiduran aja di tempat tidur. Lebih lelahnya lagi waktu Zafran batuk, saya ikut tumbang karena flu. Mas Ro pun turun tangan pulang ke rumah untuk ngejagain saya dan Zaf, untungnya lagi flu saya ga berlangsung lama. Eh.. selesai saya flu, giliran mas Ro flu. Rasanya ga ada hentinya sih.

Bulan ini juga kami berdua memutuskan untuk mencari second opinion tentang kondisi Zaf. Jadi waktu Zaf dua tahun, doski divonis speech delayed oleh dokter rekam medik di RSIA Hermina. Sekarang sudah satu tahun terapi memang sudah banyak perkembangan sih untuk bicaranya, cuma saya masih khawatir karena tingkat konsentrasi dan kemampuan berinteraksi Zafran rendah sekali. Akhirnya saya dan suami memutuskan untuk mengikuti assessment di salah satu therapy center, tujuannya buat cari second opinion saja sih. Hasilnya sih Zafran kurang lebih sama.. Zafran memiliki speech delayed in absentia, intinya karena kurangnya tingkat konsentrasi. Terapinya ditambah disini.. dari yang awalnya sejam seminggu... jadi enam jam seminggu! Mudah-mudahan anaknya enjoy dan gak capek ya..

Anyway.. setelah sekian lama ga bisa kemana-mana karena sibuk ngurusin renovasi rumah.. suami cuma bisa pulang wiken dan wiken itulah akhirnya yang bisa dipake buat urus dan evaluasi tukang dan progress, akhirnya kemarin secara dadakan kita memutuskan untuk ke Bandung. Alasan terbesar sih karena minggu depan kita mau pergi berdua, jadi biar gak merasa bersalah banget sama anak, hihi..

Kita menginap di salah satu bnb di daerah Dago Atas, namanya Budaraa. Bentuknya sembilan paviliun yang mengelilingi rumah utama, kita sendiri tinggal di paviliun 6. Bnbnya menyenangkan sekali! Lokasinya memang sedikit jauh dari pusat kota, tapi ga masalah untuk kami karena memang tujuan kami mau ke Lembang. Tempatnya adem sekali, hijau banyak pepohonan, enak untuk jalan-jalan secara Zafran senang sekali jalan-jalan, ada dapur, kasur luaaaas, dan yang paling pentig affordable!

Kita bertiga ga kemana-mana kecuali ke De Ranch, karena memang tujuan liburan kali ini buat menyenangkan Zafran. Syukurlah anaknya juga hepi. Bapak ibuknya encok ngasuh. Hahaha..

February 23, 2017

Today started good. Planned to go to my best friend's house to pick my order (she cooks well, today's order is dendeng batokok). Turned out my mom had a day off so she offered me to babysit Zaf while I was away. Finally could have time off from mothering. Yay. Arrived early so I decided to put my car at car wash. Breakfast with cheesse croissant, glad Eno loved lemon cheese cake I brought for her. Had a good talk, good gossips (hah!). She made me a cup of nice coffee, said it was Palu Coffee. I rarely drink black, so suprised it was so good. When lunch time came, we decided to go out and suddenly went to Cipanas. Unplanned. Had a niiiiiice tasty sate kambing dan sop kambing.. geez that was the best. We went to FO after. And groceries shopping after. Basically it was good day.

Then, when I was going home, I hit a motorcycle. I am trying not to be a jerk here, but he turned without signing first. Geez. Thankfully, we were all good. Then I arrived at home. And I hit my home wall. Accidentally. What the hell. Geez.

And now I am having mood again. The good day.. poof! Gone.

So now I am going to make a toast with thick nutella spread. Screw diet. Screw today. Tomorrow I am gonna regret it. But now, chocolate please.

February 07, 2017

So..

I've had an awful morning. Suddenly son started crying loud when we arrived at his playgroup. It's been three days and I still had no idea why, it was fine before. When I left him, he was bawling his eyes out and called my name over and over. Geez.

It changed my all day mood. So, I decided to write good things happen today instead and hope things will get better.

1. Sunshine! It's been raining and gloomy and dark most of these day.. so sunshine is very welcomed. I could finish my laundry well and run a while.

2. Had a nice coffee. Son got better when I picked him up, so I decided to take him to coffee shop when he could enjoy his spaghetti while I enjoyed mine.

3. Now.. while I am writing this, he just asleep. It means I have approximately an hour free. Let's take a rest!

January 10, 2017

Promise

When I was a little kid, I think my family and I never ever went out together or had vacation. Maybe money was issue, but we even didn't go to city park or swimming pool, which I am pretty sure we could afford back then. I had no memory of us doing grocery shopping or eating out together. I remember I was asking about this to my brother and he echoed what I said. Never ever. Of course there were visits to our distant relatives out of town, but that was it. Mandatory visits.

So yes, I blame it to my dysfunctional parents. I know there are many things that we should be grateful of, yadda, yadda... but still, when I still wake up while my son was sleeping beside me, I made promise. He deserves better. Weekend at swimming pool, eating ice cream after. Going out to the park and playing ball. Groceries shopping at the nearest supermarket. Things I've never experienced myself.

January 09, 2017

Today is.

I thought today would be hard. Zafran's back to school after two weeks holiday. Wake up early, my son was asleep, how couldn't he? Last night, we just fell asleep at 11 pm. Overstimulated weekend. And by we, I mean Zafran and my husband, while I couldn't sleep until 00.30 am.

But, it turned out to be easy morning. Yes, waking up Zaf almost seemed like a miracle, but finally he wake up at 7, took a bath without complaint and spent a bowl of oatmeal with peas and carrots! Even, it won't be this easy in an ordinary day. We took off at 7.30, said goodbye and I went on my run.

It was good run. I took two weeks hiatus during school break, because I literally had no time for myself while taking care of my son. Had a nice coffee after, downloaded second episode of Sherlock, scrolled internet, read about Golden Globes. Meryl. Viola. RYAN GOSLING AND EMMA STONE. Ryan Renolds and Andrew Garfield kiss. Hugh Laurie. Tom Hiddleston. So many feelings.

Took off from Zaf's school at 11, and he looked tired and sleepy, he didn't even have lunch and went straight to bed. I watched Sherlock while cooking chicken and string beans. That was an insane episode, geez.

So, today is good day after all. Yes, in the afternoon I was so tired, but after all it is a good day.

January 04, 2017

Last Vacation in 2016

We had pretty nice and laidback vacation in December. It's unprepared and sudden, we just booked our apartment via airbnb a day before. We didn't have proper itinerary and my husband doubt our rental apartment, just because we never went to bagian utara Jakarta before. I had a gut, a good one, about this place, but we had no idea it turned out to be better than we thought.

It was our first experience using Airbnb, simply because I would like to have kitchen in our vacation, so I could prepare something easy and simple for Zafran. Some hotels has kitchen in it, but we cannot afford the rate. Fortunately, our host was wonderful, the apartment was clean, nice and comfortable. You can find him in Airbnb using name Wolfry. Sorry, too lazy to find a link.

At first, we thought of Bandung. But everyone went to Bandung, we couldn't imagine how packed it would be. Then, husband should come to office in Tuesday, so Jakarta it is. We planned to go to Sea World, and Taman Mini, maybe to Ragunan or IKEA?

Turned out our apartment is located near Baywalk Mall and the ambiance is pretty good. Zaf looooved walking in their awesome park (it's so beautiful), and I loved walking inside the mall (of course). Many restaurants inside and outside the mall, so in the end, we had a laid back staycation and didn't go anywhere beside Sea World.

At the last day, we went to Kuntum Farmfield in Bogor, it was our third time so I let my husband and son went inside while I was waiting outside.

It was pretty good... hopefully we'll experience better one in 2017.

Happy New Year, you all!