Kambing Hitam/black sheep?

Akhir-akhir ini gw merasa mudah sekali benci pada sesuatu.
Gw benci keramaian di Jakarta,always be crowded,never sleep city.
Gw benci suara klakson yg sahut-sahutan,padahal baru jam 7 pagi.
Gw benci suara sinyal palang kereta api yg banyak bgt terdapat diantara jalan gw dari kos ke kantor.
Gw benci udara kering disini yg bikin dekil.
Gw benci metromini yg kotor,dan supirnya yg sering ngebut.
Gw benci ibu-ibu yg lg ngobrol nyerocos di angkot.
Gw benci harus jalan jauh buat dapet angkot.
Gw benci sama pasar minggu yg beceknya setengah mati.
Gw benci kemacetan yg bisa bikin gw tua di jalan.
Gw benci harus jalan sendiri kalo pulang.
Gw benci makan malam sendiri.
Gw benci kota ini. I just don't wanna live inside here.

Tapi gw sadar,
Gw hanya mengkambinghitamkan Jakarta.
Buktinya,
Gw suka teriakan anak-anak waktu kuliah.
Gw suka bunyi klakson berisik angkot-angkot di Semarang.
Gw suka panas Semarang yg bisa ngebakar kulit,
Gw suka,bahkan ga pernah keganggu,sama gemuruh helikopter yg lewat di atas kampus.
Gw suka nunggu dosen sampe berjam-jam.
Gw suka jalan sendirian ke kampus (well,tapi kalo ada temennya lebih baek sih,hehe..)
Gw suka semuanya yg ada di Semarang.

The thing is..I am so lonely.
Gw ngerasa sepi.
I didn't enjoy all.
Makanya gw mengkambinghitamkan Jakarta sedemikian rupa.
It was my denial of loneliness.

Hari pertama

No matter how tough you are,sure you'll get nervous on your first job day..
This morning, I opened my eyes from my short term-sleep time. Today is my first job day. I saw my roommate,felt jealous coz she could sleep a little bit longer than me. It would better if I went back to my sweet dream instead of getting up and preparing all up for my first day.
But,of course,it didn't happen. I still woke up,took a bath,and arranged what kind of clothes which would I use today.

White shirt and black pantalon is okay, but it reminds me to my final paper presentation. I wore it too,and I felt nerd,so I put it down,and started to make another match.

Finally, I picked my black pantalon, but I matched it with my blue-flowery shirt. It had some simple ruffles, I thaught it was quite sweet,and wished that it would good enough.

I used my shoes, a pair of cute-kitten heels,with little bow accent in its corner. Weird, I had no trouble when I bought it, I've been trying it,and walked over and over. I swore there were no problems,til I used it this morning. Was it only my feeling or it really goes bigger than before?
I still wore this shoes,what must I do?
Although I felt uncomfort,tough.
Arrived at my new office,a shocking news came to me. We would get info for our replacement today! And we would go there, ASAP, TOMMOROW!
Whaaaaat?
Tommorow?
Hell no,no..please God,,I prayed..please,don't let it happen to me. I've been fed up with this moving thing!
No,no..I didn't want it did again.

They would tell us where would we stay at noon. Before that,we should have some medical test. Some annoying test,according to me,of course.
I hated injection. So much. But,whatever,they had to take my blood,so they did it.
Thanks for God,my blood was taken by a cute-cool-charming-yummy doctor! I didn't even sure he was a doctor,coz he was so young!

Hahaha,after few medical test,we got back to our office,and now..time to know where would we go..
Jakarta?
Surabaya?
Medan?
Haha.. I was so nervous,my heart beated fast..
Geez, I really wanted staying here,in Jakarta. Second choice laid on Surabaya..
But Medan?
Weew! Medan?Medan was so far for me.
Thanks,thanks,thanks God! I was replaced in head office. I still stayed here,at Jakarta. I didn't believe on my fortune. Hufs,thanks a lot God, 4jji SWT.

Edmat 31

Gatel gw pingin nulis lg!
It has already late here,it's almost midnight,but I am still awake. Tadi padahal ngantuk bgt,uda sampe ketiduran,tapi Tika dateng bawain nasi goreng dari Es Teler 77 (yg katanya dibeliin mas Anwar,thanks a lot mas!),dan gw akhirnya bangun buat makan,and..here I am. Crawling in my insomnia,dunno what to do..
Akhirnya gw mutusin buat nge-net bentar,browsing with my cell phone. Suprise! Waktu baca bulbo di fs,ada bulbo yg bilang kalo pendaftaran EDMAT 31 udah dibuka!
Waw..ga kerasa,it feels like yesterday,padahal udah 2 taon lalu gw ikutan camp yg sama,waktu itu masih EDMAT 29.
EDMAT which stands for Engineering Development Motivation and Training,merupakan salah satu program kreatif dari mahasiswa teknik Universitas Malaya di Malaysia. Idenya simple,like summer camp,it was about 10 days, and it was held for local and overseas universities.
Kebetulan UNDIP salah satunya.
Selama 10 hari,banyak bgt kegiatan yg seru!
Dari mulai seminar2x (self-motivation,how to sell ourselves,writing CV and cover letter,etc), public speaking, debat, outbond (they have beautiful lake for kayaking and facilities for flying fox!), fun games (start from puzzle game, game2 17 agustusan, sampe game detektif kayak conan!), charity (ngunjungin rumah sakit dan panti asuhan), city trip (I'll never forget when I was standing at the bridge of KL Twin Tower,it was windy,and the bridge was swaying over and over) and gala dinner.
It must be most precious moment in my life. Lotsa new friends, unforgetable journey,enjoy. At least, gw malah serasa ga mau pulang,he..

Liat pengumuman tadi,gw jadi inget aja sama masa2 itu. Kangen sama anak2 alumni EDMAT 29. Kapan gw bisa ketemu mereka lagi, dan bukannya sekedar say hello di fs?
Gw harap saat itu tiba, saat dimana gw bisa ketemu mereka lg..

PS.
Buat yg berminat,,you can contact me for further informations.
Ato kalo ga,hubungin PD 1 FT UNDIP.

a new life

it's me again..

this month, I've spent much time for writing in this blog..dunno, I have a feeling that I'll have less time for blogging after starting my new life..
I'll go to Jakarta today,in next two hours. It scares me..
mungkin, cuma orang - orang pengecut aja yang takut buat memulai sesuatu yang baru, dan even I hate being called as a loser, I'm still frightened.
gw masih bertanya - tanya aja, bakal jadi apa hidup gw disana, kayak gimana keseharian gw yang bakal beda jauh sama hari - hari gw ke belakang..

Mingu - minggu ini penuh sama perasaan gelisah. I can't concentrate of everything, be unfocused, pessimistic. I didn't show it to anyone, I denied this feeling, but it was there. Ada ngehantuin pikiran gw.. As I said before, human can easily be influenced by their own mind. today, I only have negative thinking in my mind, and it says that I can't through it all.

Silly..
Padahal gw sering nasihatin orang tentang being positive, trust ourselves, being confident, hahaha.. gw sendiri ga bisa netapin itu hari ini..
Gw capek banget.. Mobilitas gw akhir2 ini padat banget.. Gw baru kemaren nyampe dari Semarang, sekarang harus pergi lagi ke Jakarta..
Packing and unpacking has been my life for this week. Capek banget. I'm doing everything alone, and it makes me nervous.
I've been trapped in my own emotion, my PMS, geez...it's easier to run..
ga tau, kenapa tiba - tiba jadi manja..
helluw,ini Jakarta gitu.. ga lebih jauh dari Semarang. I can go home whenever I want (of course I won't, kayak ntar kalo udah kerja, bisa cabut kapan aja..)

Gw malu ngeluh terus, gw malu jadi lemah kayak gini.. I should thankful for everything. Sometimes, people never be thankful and always ask for more. I don't wanna be kinda it. Gw mau terus maju, meski gw ga tau ada apa di hadapan gw..
gw pingin trus semangat, walo hari - hari gw ga bakal kayak dulu lagi.
I've wondering kapan ya gw bisa ngisi blog gw dengan sesuatu yang lebih ceria??
Akhir - akhir ini kayaknya isinya sendu, melankolis,hehe..ga banget deh pokoknya!!
hope I'll gonna keep writing, still in this way, and always be myself in my new life..

Au revoir! See u later!

Here I am,sitting on the bus which taking me home.. I really GO HOME for now,which means I've done with my college's life,back to my home for a while,and preparing my new life in our country's capital.. It's so hard..there's no farewell,I just sent few messages to my closest friends..
Always hard to say goodbye,although it doesn't mean that we won't meet again..but,y'know..things'll never be the same again.. I've been living my 4 years-college life with them,can't imagine how life would be without them..
Basecamp guys,basecamp girls..I am missing them now..only God know how much I love,how much I care..sounds childish,but hope there's a way for us living like this forever!

Andesit,the other reason of my sadness today..
Honestly,I feel absurds. The thing is his existence influences me much. I used to be with him,and it will need hard adaptation to make myself common of his absent.
Dunno what'll happen,and how long it takes,but I'll try..simple,because I love him..

Leaving my boarding home,where I've stayed for 2 years,gives me a consious that I'll face new life (u can read at my two last blogs)


I am watching outside my window. Things are running behind fast,my bus is taking me away from this city,from all memories,all silly things in past..
I'll be moving foward,to my future,outta this city..
Maybe I'll come back,
Someday,

So... 'til we meet again?

It's raining outside,quite hard..it was very hard exactly,like a storm,I am serious..lotsa fallen trees along my way to campus,even it's forbidden to anyone who like coming towards..
Like a weirdo,I ran outside my boarding home,got through a rain,
I am not kinda person who adores rain.. I hate being wet,esp.my feet..ergggh!my mum asked me buying her batagor,geez..where d hell I'll going to find that?!
Admitting some voice who forced me to stay,I went and looked for it..
Even we--my boy and I-- used car (btw,thx to andesit's dad who lend me his car),not motorcycle like we used to be,we still got wet!
Rain came through our car's window,sprinkled,and I felt I was running outside,damn!

I blamed my mum,her jerk request,it was very difficult looking foward batagor in after Lebaran-day like this!

Finally..we didn't find it!
I bought my mum bread,made sure for myself that she would understand..

Huh,know what's going on?she even didn't remember ordering that BATAGOR!
Geez!
After all sacrifies... I dunno what to say,my mother is windy person..

Jealousy..Goals must be created!

let's creating goals!!!

once I was reading very great blogs, futagoza by sherina munaf and brainstorm by eva celia lesmana..

Weeew... I was shocked!!!
No way, what a damn perfect English!!!
I envy them...especially Eva Celia.. (visit her blog, you can find it in mine, I've made a link). How come a 15 years old girl could write narration like that!!! So deep, full of very complicated vocab, it is very unusual!!

Hehehe... I'm a little bit jealous.. They--two girls above--must be influenced by situation around. C'mon, nowadays, what things that couldn't be got by socialite like them???
he, I'm a little bit jealous..I don't blame anything or anyone, just feel any regret, why didn't I try harder then?? I've been facilitated, but I was quite calm. I had no ambition, no spirit being a better person.. I just felt everything was quite good enough..

I was wrong.. Everyone says that I am good in English, so talented, but see the two young lady!!! How great they are!! I can't be compared with them, and it's my fault..
So, let's creating our own goals from now! Don't be afraid to imagine as high as you can.. most important is you've thought about it..writing them down is the 1st step..and you know, thousands steps is started by a small 1st step..

what's your goal???
let's think about it from now..

Last night in the greatest room ever..

Breathless...

It's ending of a journey,
My own journey..
Lying on my bed in Semarang, I'm typing on my cell phone,writing this blog while thinking..
There were many things have been happened.. Sad, happy, guilty..
Love, hate, so much emotion I've already feel here..
My room in Semarang isn't quite big...
Even you can call it small..
But,dare me,I feel no place could give any safety or comforty like here..

I'll be missing this place..
Honestly, I'm missing it now..
On my own ego, I don't wanna let it go..
I juz wanna being here, here in my usual place, place which needn't any adaptation or explanation..

I dunno, but I have to go,
Leaving all these things away.. It really makes me senseless.. Do I do the right way?

I'm sick of these whole moving things!
I've already packed.. My room is so messy now,it's full of many packs..
My mother is here,sitting next to me,but she says nothing,,
Perhaps she thinks that I can through it all alone,but I don't think so..

Man grows, people change..
Like or dislike, I have to leave.. Noone force me, it should come from my own consious, that I must go on, no matter what will be leaved..

I'm gazing at my trapesium ceiling.. It's full of dust and spider's web..
I'll be missing my ceiling..
Nope, I'm not kidding.. It has been 2 years,so riddiculous,if you say we-me and my room-aren't mean to be..
We've been tied up to a bond..something I can't understand..

Realize this room will be someones someday,it hurts me..
Say I am so dramatic,yup,I am Mrs.Drama Queen,but nothing can change my feeling tonight..

I see my mother..
She seems sleepy.. She says,'gosh dela..put your cell phone,please..go to sleep,it's already night'

It seems I must end this up..