Ngeracau...

When any other people competed for creating new goals to be achieved this 2009, i didnt.
I even didnt have any passions to do that.i am powerless.
Love feels unexist when people you love most are far away. They became absurd,their existences seems unreal,and i doubt myself whether it's true or not. I always believe in love,as strong as my belief to God,but it's just getting more complicated for myself.

'Why people love?'
once,my bro asked me.
'to be protected?to be happy?to be secure?'

i nodded,
yes.
I like being protected.
I wanna live happily ever after.
I hate being insecured.

But...
What if those reasons means that i only think my only importance? That i am so selfish? Is it about me? Only me? Are people only love theirselves exactly,and all the loves in the world are just sugar-coating for the truth?that we are some narcistic-selfish creatures?

I have no idea why i post those things. Long distance really made me mad. Knowing they were there,loving me much,but i can't feel them. What a love. How weird.

Being far away with my mates,my fam,my bf makes worst side of me coming to surface. It's what i really am. Cynical. Pessimistic. Coward,yeah..maybe..

What a theory!!
Mad with people telling me to be patient. I was. I was patient enough,people. I am so thankful of your caring,but please,bring out any other solutions!


Geez, it's dull. Bad writing. I dunno why i still publish it.