But, here I am, start to writing, as something was bugging me this morning. I was starting this day by thinking about my late grandma. It's been three years since she passed away, and I should admit that her leaving which inspired me a lot to start this blog. That I want to legate something to my ancestries one day. The same reason why I haven't thrown away my old diaries, keep every pieces of old paper that I used to be drawn in high school, just because someday my great granddaughter will read it and laugh at me. Sounds to poetic? Maybe I read romance a lot, but I really want to do it.
So, back with grandma. Since I was baby, she (and grandpa) took care of me because my mom was full time working mother, and my dad worked out of town. Yes, I had a nanny then, but mostly they nurtured me by themselves. Grandma always said that I was grandpa's favorite grandchild, in the other hand she treated all of her grandchildren equally, and had no favorite (well, to be exact I had no idea, but she never showed it that way). Grandpa was my favorite too, but he had been sick since I was so young, and passed away when I was on eight grade, so I didn't remember him much.
Grandma is a graceful woman. She was beautiful and elegant. She was the one who taught me all the beauty tips. Don't forget to use body lotion. Apply balm on your lip. Use aloe vera in you hair. She is the opposite of my mom (grandma said to me once that mom is like grandpa a lot), while my mom is an ignorant, tomboy woman. No, I am not saying I don't love her, they both have their own character, and to be honest, I think I am more like my mother than my grandma. Bloodline, can't resist it, I guess.
With all the mess of my wedding arrangement, I perforce remember her. If she was still here, she will be the one who organize everything. She will take care everything, and maybe, maybe she won't let my mother and I interfere her. She, maybe, will annoy me with her choices, force me to agree in everything she plan, belittle my mother's opinion, and take everything under her control. But, I, in other case, is pretty sure that my mother and I will love it! We (mom and I) are the lazy one, we love handing every vocations to the third party. We don't wanna bother detailed things, and you know, it will be perfect if grandma could be here. After all, she did had a good taste, and I can use her against my mom. Ha!
Too bad, she couldn't. I remember when I was a kid, in our random conversation, I often told her that she should be with me when I graduate from college. Be there when I am jobless, and cheer when I finally get my first job. Go out and have dinner together from my first salary. Meet my fiancee, and assess him as if he is good enough for me. She had to make sure that I'll be perfect in my wedding day. She had to hold my hand when I deliver my first baby. My second baby. And the third baby. She should teach me how to change a diaper, take my child to feel the morning sun, and I even remember told her that she should make peace with mom for my children sake, and take care of them together.
I am sorry the she couldn't make it. She passed away three months before my graduation day. It was painful day, I was four hundreds and sixty three kilometers away and I had no idea what to do then. My dad notified me at 11 pm, and he said that I don't have to go home, because it will be no use. The next day bus is at 6 pm, and at the time they will have already buried her.
She didn't look sick. She looked old, of course, but for me, she was as healthy as teen. No one ever guessed, and everyone seemed surprised. My mother said, grandma was admitted to hospital a day before it because of asphyxiation, but doctor told them nothing serious. Doctor suggested one night stay to monitor her condition, and my mom agreed. Nothing happened that night, mom said grandma slept well, she could eat well, and didn't complain at all. At the morning, grandma asked mom to escort her to bathroom, and mom left her for about two minutes to take something and when she came back, grandma already passed away. I can't imagine how shocked my mom was, we even couldn't talk about that day after that. I forgot how many months had passed, when we were finally able to open up ourselves, and talked about that day.
So, I said to mom this morning, "If grandma was still here and assist us on this (my wedding preparation), I guarantee we'll have a lot of fights". Mom didn't answer,but I know she miss her too. We all do.
For my beloved grandmother, one of greatest person I've ever known. I am so blessed to know you, hope you rest in peace there.