tired

i feel tired.
seriously.
it's actually no matter what time do i go home every day, but more to how depressed I am. am i not as strong as i think?
it isn't fair to complain, cause many people feel worse way than me, work hard for living, for everyone they love. it's unavoidable, you must ready to face it, soon or later. cause, when you're growing up, you add responsible to yourself, and make sure that life is not for YOU only, it's about everybody.

but now, all i wanna do is complain. i wanna live my live in other people's way. go home at 5, crawling under the blanket, chat with friends and family, hang out when the night comes. i hope i still have power remains at the end of the day. the fact is i am too tired to do anything in the night. go home late, bath, and turn on television, just to press the "sleep" button, not to watch it. What a miserable life, huh?

i know i must be grateful. i am lucky. more than anyone. i should be happier. so why, i always feel something lost?



he's my general super intendent. 60 years old, grandpa with two grandchildren. hard worker. often work overtime, almost everyday. no holiday for him, even on Sunday. one day, when we walked together to project at afternoon, he said to me, "Mbak, liatin deh, orang-orang mah udah pada pulang kerja.." and i was like, oh, yes, they did! and we can't do it. we can't! there's a lot of thing left behind, and what do you think if we go and left it?
he's awesome. i swear to you, he's enormous. most of my team are. :)

ps. sorry for this random post. i am on my lowest position, feel depressed with my work, failed with my outer relationship. i hope you can understand. :)