looking back, and found so much love

readers!!

it's sat nite and i do nothing except staying at home like mommy's nice girl! (yes i am home!)
well, it's kinda boring, so i decide for blogwalking, and notice that everyone (most of them) have made writing about 2009. i have thought about it, but frankly i haven't got any idea, what i must write.

2010 is nearly coming! it's scary, you know? we get older, there will be more responsible thing we face, and hope we're ready for it!
so, what should i suppose to say about 2009?
it's damn hard year. i swear, i've never been in such complicated, curious year for whole my life. i had many changes in my life. Friends, family, love.
met new things. loss the old ones.
many things that i've never imagined before. life is not constant. it changes whether you plan it or no. but, that's what we need, right? change, to get to know that you had became yourself, found whole YOU, who maybe hide behind for all this time.

but, maybe first, i really want to remember good things. i want to start new year with positive thinking, so i thing it's better if we don't look back all the negativity behind. okay, we need to look it back sometimes, but just to make sure that it won't happen again. learn from mistakes.

so, what i love from 2009.

1. i think i become bold and tough. it doesn't mean i was a spoiled girl , but a long this year, i stand my life alone. well, it's not easy. i cried, yes. i had nightmare, yes. but, as i sure, i didn't whim to my mom. i tried my best for ensuring her that i am okay living without her help. don't be wrong, i still need her. MUCH. but, however you call it, i can be autonomous. :)

2. my job. finally, i can deal with it. i start to love it, although sometimes complaining about it. and, when i got removed, and felt depressed, i think i can handle it now. sometimes i get depressed, but with my friends and family helps, hopefully, it's gonna be okay.

3. i've been inspired by someone. here she is. Cassey Bunn. i don't know exactly, i remember read her blog in late 2008. and now, it's like i am one of her fans, or maniacs maybe. i love her blog, i adore her tweets! she's kinda ordinary girl, but she often write some emotional things that makes me wow. i just can't describe it. we live in different place, different situation, but i dunno, sometimes what she say is exactly what i feel. Cassey, you're rock! visit her, maybe you're gonna like her too, readers! :)

4. I wrote a lot! it's so pleasant, coz i never gonna stop writing! i still write in diary too, things that i've been done for years, i never wanna skip a moment in my life. i hope i can wrote more, more, and more in next year.

5. having him. i don't want to explain it more, but.. yeah, having him is one of magical things of this year.


that's it.
i hope you're having great new year, wishing you all the very best things in life!
i love you, kiss!

smoooooooch!!!!!!!!

DVDs marathon again!!

back to long weekend (even a bit disturbed with erection of tower crane in my project), i've been sank in dvds again.

1. Hairspray (2007)
okey, me likey this movies! i've watched it like thousand times! :) i just love its sixties style, how Nikki Blonsky sing and dance! she's just drop dead gorgeous! :) i forced my bf to watch it, and he seems like a bit sleepy, but after all he gives 8.5 from 10 for this movie! yipee! :p

2. (500) Days of Summer (2009).
my bf was officially falling a sleep when i watch it. actually, i feel curios to see it, because there's so many tweets in my timeline, share how good and touchy it is. what can i say, it's not ordinary movie. it's not love story with happy ending, but you'll not regret for watching it. so, be it.

3. The Blind Side (2009)
Having a different theme from Avatar, (yeah, i've watched it, and it was incredibly genius! i'll tell you later) i could say it's best drama movie of this year. featuring life of Michael Oher, a footbal player (yes, it is. it's based on extraordinary true story), this movie teaches us how to respect each other. i was delighted by how Touhy family accepts Michael as a part of their family.

4. The Green Mile (1999)
yes, it's our champion!!! how can i missed such as good movies! geez, this movies could make me smile and cry at the same time. i felt it has similar theme as Shawshank Redemption, and found they have same director. i can't tell you more, just watch it. you will learn about affection, love, and how miracle could happen in everywhere, even in the death row.

too bad, i couldn't find 2nd season of Veronica Mars, i'll try to search again next weekend, but i watched two other movies in cinema.

1. Planet 51 is hilarious! i couldn't stop laughing, and being grateful. i looked children everywhere, and thanked God, there are still persons who want to make them movies. they laughed out loudly, i dunno whether they understand tho movies or not. :p

2. Avatar.
it's been 10 years after James Cameron creating Titanic, and he disappears. and suddenly, he's coming back with this magical, breath-taking, awesome movie! holy, my friends keep talking about this movie in facebook, twitter, and blog, i just can't wait to watch it! :)
and..
it's wordless. i don't know words to describe it. the movie is beautiful. readers, please enter the world of Avatar! :)

and, okay, i spam. but i can't take not to write all of this. hope you're enjoying your weekend too, cause we're gonna face it again in X mas!!!

PS. you can read my late work at project at here.

sweet past.

i can tell you, it's been long time since i talked about it.but somehow, i dunno why, she texted me this morning, and suddenly remind me of these sweet moments. and bitter too, of course.


well, it's about teenage fling or you can call it a crush maybe. i remember, six or seven years ago when we were in high school, still lame and frumpish, and each had big ego and fell to (thanks God) two different cute boys.

They were special for us, i think. i still remember how we were mad in love with them, and did a lot crazy things. i am a bit embarrassed we had done all those stuffs. we shared a lot of romantic but goofy words in diary, we brought a recording tape to some special events that we might meet those guys.
we were still like a teenage ones, like to flirt with handsome guys, but i dunno, at this time, it would say that we had extra loyalties for these men. we only thought about them, cried for them, sometimes went crazy because of them.
it just, like we want to be so desperate, we want to be dying, just because of them. we didn't care whether people might say we were freak. we just adores them! It were beautiful feeling, so that i can still feel the pain. love is nothing without pain, right? it makes love more beautiful, more precious.

and, you know, readers.
that time, we even didn't consider to find another guy to hang out. the other girls just make it with guys who loved them, but we just couldn't do it. we want it with them. only them!

ridiculous, i know. we were hypnotized so well. ng, even until now, i don't make sure if THEY KNOW that we have those feelings for them. we just let it flow. with no word, no farewell, no love statement.
(well, i did, exactly, but it doesn't matter yet, i won't talk about me, here)

the things is, years have gone by, i can't remember last time we meet with them. those two guys. one day, suddenly, i heard a bad news. one of them passed away. and, he is the person whom my friend crushed on. it's like, even i am not in love, or have any feeling of him, big hole came into my heart. he was my daily life then, when we still shared happiness together, how come can he go as fast as it?
i never get used of it. until now. i will get pretty shocked, if she came and opened a conversation about it. i know, we have ran our new life here, adult life, settle with it, but it's just something that you can left behind, it will always be there.

i miss those moments. i miss sneaking up, and following them right behind their back. i miss recording some foolishness (do you still keep the tape,friend?). and, i miss coming to some parties, and ignoring all the bands while we were busy wrote into our diary. it's damn pleasant!!!

i miss them. those guys. one is on heaven, one is on earth. hello guys, do you still remember us?

it's killing me!!

Veronica Mars!!!!!

i dunno if i were too late to know this series, but, bye bye Gossip Girls. Veronica is coming! hehehe.. :)





it's already 14 on December. geez, what have i done, so this year had gone just as it? time flies by, so fast, it gets me breathless. what results do i get? 2010 is coming, and it scares me a bit.

everyone make their resolutions for next year. i must admit, i haven't thought about it already. should i make it? ow, i just remember that i had a 2009 resolution. maybe i should compare between them. plan and reality. yeah, i must do it.

or, maybe i shouldn't take this seriously.

anyone who finish their resolutions? can you share me some ideas that maybe should be done in 2010? :)

tumblr.

i found myself creating tumblr account.
okay, maybe it's overload.
it feels like i writing all the time.
i had three blogs (one is rarely updated, sorry), Facebook account (although now i rarely update my status), twitter, and now i am creating tumblr.

really dunno exactly what's happening.
i am feeling ideas blowing up my mind. don't you understand, when you need to express something, but you can't exactly decide where to pour it up, you have no perfect places for it.
i feel it. thousand ideas is sparkling in my head, ready to be written. it just i don't think my blog here is the perfect media. so i search, search, try to find way for placing my thoughts.

is it weird, readers?



-my tumblr page-

shopping!

i just wanna say, i am becoming mad, because there are lot sales around me, but i am on my effort to minimize my expenses! i want to save more, but for god sake, it means no shopping (err..okay, a bit shopping), less hang out, and replace cinema with DVDs!
it'll be going so hard, you know, it's December, and December means YEAR END SALE!!!!

i had skipped many things. Kickfest, Kemang Festival (ergh, i've been waiting for so long, and after all! i missed it! :( ), Book Festival, and others. and now, they will celebrate local designer rule in BrightSpot Market, and i still dunno whether i can come or no ( and buy something, of course!!)

it's killing me, people!!!
wondershoe just produced two new design, and i am so salivating!!!
huff,,,inhale, exhale..

any idea, so i can out off these all shopping stuffy???

and oh guys, maybe if you have spare time, you can visit my new page here. ng, i know, this blog even haven't been good enough, but i can't stand for creating new one! Visit!! :)

New Moon

i've met Cullens yesterday night.
i was so exciting before, imagine different movie from the first. Chris Weitz is good enough at Golden Compass, so i put high expectation to this movie.
and well.
on my opinion, i didn't mean to harm anyone, especially Twihard, i am liking Twilight Saga movie also, but the movie was so-so..
nothing special, uh.. lot of cute guys in a night, of course, but beside that, i felt the plot was so slow and boring.
i wasn't blaming anyone. from all books, New Moon is most boring one. it must be hard to realize it in movie form.


anyway, chemistry between Bella and Edward is still number one.
i really love the ending when Edward proposes Bella with no romantic way.
well, best part in this movie, maybe.

still, i can't wait for Eclipse too. it will be awesome, absolutely.

monday and princess

long live long weekend!

i admit, i really love weekend. especially long one. i just hope, i can stay on my mom's hug forever and ever, but too bad, here i am again.
bad city, bad work, good money.
well, what's on Monday?
things happen.
i spent my morning by watching Heroes, can you imagine? i was stealing an hour before going to office, just for motivating and increasing a bit mood. puff, it's so hard to like Monday, my mindset is so hard to change, i keep it in " I hate Monday ". somehow, i'd like Matt Parkman pushing me to think Monday is cool enough. :)
well, then i had boring noon, had freaky crap conversation about fire stop. i really had no idea, what people think. i didn't even know what fire stop is, why they think i could imagine how it stands, and its detail?
yeah, however that's my job. i found new stuffs every day, and make me as stupidest people ever. don't worry, i love my partners at work, but sometimes they overestimate me, and expect too high. they think, by "cumlaude" hang on me, it means i know about EVERYTHING.
oh, c'mon, that's not the way it is.

and i got my 2nd day of menstruation. miraculously, i didn't feel hurt at my stomach anyway. got mad, okay, but i thought my boss is more devastating that me. he got mad all day long, and made me scared. a bit.
ng, okay.
a lot.
what a life.
hard.
rough.

you know, i didn't expect more, but don't you think living as Disney Princess is so pleasant?
i was wondering, if i were Belle, i must haven't think about real things, just enjoy life by reading all books at my wonderful library (remember? the one which gifted by Beast). Playing with cute danceable things, moving clocks and chandelier, happily ever after?
or, if i were Ariel, i just can sit all day long, singing, maybe sometimes i can visit Neptune and my sisters under the sea.

don't you think we are too spoiled by our bedtime stories? when life is so easy, nothing too hard to get, and we can live life joyfully? yes, childhood must be our most beautiful times, but maybe we should insert a bit reality, so they don't get shocked someday, when they face a REAL life?
REAL life, without magic, princess charming, palace, and fairy mother. maybe, life will get easier when you can call your fairy mother every time you're in trouble.
i want it deadly. i was hoping, my godmother could come, and help me solve some equation. or maybe, she could spell some magic, which can make my building stands for a second?

i envy Disney princess. they do nothing. they just get hurt. where is justice, when all you have to do in world, is having bad ugly step mother, so you can get everything you want in the end? Being an orphan is pitiful, but c'mon, in the fact, being an orphan can't make you helped by cute little dwarfs who live in the forest. the reality is, whether you are having complete parents or not, treated as servant or lady, you must act hard to achieve your actualization. there's no fairy mother, there's no magic, there's no way, but work hard. and God, of course.

am i too cynical?
i just think, maybe we can start to change our childhood stories. changing it from too-good-to-be-true story become near-reality story.

wondershoe (part 2)

remember it?
and..

my wondershoe is comiiiiiing!!!

finally!



how cute are they, huh?



i really love the blue ones!


i can say i am satisfied with my first double wondershoe.
i don't think they can serve as fast as this.
they are so fit in me, comfortable, lotsa kisses for wondershoe.

so, what are you waiting for?

ORDER NOW!!!!

DVDs

okay, everyone.
i got great and perfect weekend.
it's simple one, exactly, i just crawled and spent whole day with my bf, watched some old good movies, craved pizzas, and did nothing!
but, i think it was so enjoyable, beside i had pretty busy and hectic week before, and i felt so mad about it, so i decided movies would be good refreshment for me.

and it worked!
ahaha..

here the movie list i watched yesterday.

1. The Core (2003). i've already watched it almost 5 years ago, but i want my bf watch it too. the movie is infamous, less than any disaster movie, such as Deep Impact, Armageddon, or 2012, but i think, it's pretty good, and presented different plot from any other.

2. Shakespeare in Love (1998). i thought it will be boring, but surprise! we laughed almost whole time! it's funny, tragical comedy, however Joseph Fiennes is so cute! :D

3. B-13 (2004). you maybe have watched the sequel, B-13 Ultimatum.

4. Pay It Forward (2000). i remember i had read the novel when i was in high school, and i cried all day long! i was so mad about unhappy ending, but it was beautiful novel. and surprisingly, so was the movie.

5. Ghost Town (2008). it should be comedy, but i slept in half movie, so had no idea about its ending. haha...

6. Heroes Season 3 Volume 4: Fugitives, all series! it spent 8 hours to finish it! ahaha, i love these series sooooo much! it had unexpected ending, something did happen to Sylar, i don't want to spoil it all! i can't wait til i can continue with volume 5. be patient!


haha.. it's so unimportant post, i am sorry for spamming it.
i was so happy yesterday.
how about you, people?

Him and mine

it's rainy November.
i found it was raining almost every day.

it's boring to keep staying inside, when you found you had nothing to do.
i keep myself be patient, and wait until the sky get clearer.

i am okay with the coldness, okay with all gloomy things around, but i can't stand with this boredom. i wish i could go and do something else, something meaningful, beside just sitting here and listening some old song from Iwan Fals.

thinking about incumbency,humans do have duty for being grateful to every God's gift. Rain, for example. there's no other way we must be regretful for it. even, if it make us do some cancellation, or something annoying that ruin our perfect plan.
God must have any other purpose to refract it.

but, is it alright?
is it true that He always have any kindness behind all refraction He did?
i am hoping so, i believe that He loves us. always.
but, somehow, i am kinda hesitate, and i am not shy to confess it.
what i don't want is keeping my hesitation, on and on, and breaking all my belief for Him.
i am hoping for loving and keep trust on Him. no matter what He ruins my plan, no matter what rain falls and destroys my work, i hope i can stand tough.
and i hope He'll show the way.

too many hopes in a day, huh?
remember, God is online, but he's always invisible,he..

ng.
pingin cheese cake.
anybody? :D

en la lluvia, cuando le recuerdo..

snif!snif!

saya terpaku melihat hujan di luar yang begitu deras, sambil membayangkan bagaimana keadaan di proyek saya yang berjarak kira-kira 50 meter dari kantor saya.
jalan dua lajur di depan tergenang air, nyaris seperti banjir.
saya ngeri membayangkan proyek yang pasti akan begitu becek, sehingga akan sayang sekali jika saya kesana dengan memakai flat shoes kesayangan saya ini. mungkin memang sudah saatnya untuk mempertimbangkan membeli sepasang bot. yang kuat, yang tahan air.
saya paling benci kalau kaki saya terkena air.

belum lagi telinga saya yang terus berdenging.
ini adalah sakit terparah saya sejak saya hijrah ke jakarta.
biasanya, setiap saya sakit, saya cukup istirahat sehari penuh, lalu bengun keesokannya dengan badan yang segar bugar.
tapi, sudah empat hari ini badan saya gak keruan.
telinga saya berdenging, sakitnya bukan main.
saya bahkan mempertimbangkan untuk pergi ke spesialis THT hari ini.

saat-saat seperti inilah, tanpa memperdulikan umur saya yang sudah menginjak 21, saya sangat membutuhkan mama.
sepertinya obat terampuh di dunia, jika saya bisa tidur beristirahat di pangkuan mama.
mendengar mama menasehati saya, sambil memijat punggung saya lembut. membuatkan saya susu hangat. membujuk saya minum obat.
sangat tidak bijaksana, mengingat saya seharusnya sudah mampu berdiri sendiri, membuang semua kemanjaan saya. tidak menyusahkan mama.
kadang, seperti ada pertentangan batin. antara mengabarkan mama keadaan saya sekarang, atau tidak. berkata saya sakit, atau berbohong bahwa saya baik-baik saja. saya takut membuat mama khawatir. takut membuat mama merasa bersalah karena tidak bisa menemani saya disini.

saya kangen mama. tak perduli baru hari minggu kemaren saya bertemu.
saya tidak tahu, kapan saya bisa melepaskan mama. untuk selamanya saya akan menjadi seorang anak. anak mama.

aku ga mau jadi orang kuat. aku ga mau jadi spesial. aku ga mau jadi luar biasa. aku mau jadi orang biasa-biasa aja yang menjalani hidup dengan bahagia.

wondershoe

who knows WONDERSHOE angkat tangaaaaan????

jaman sekarang, siapa yang nggak tau WONDERSHOE. online shop ini menjual sepatu flats hand made (100% asli indonesia!) yang modelnya ga kalah lucu dengan brand luar negeri. dan dengan harga yang terjangkau. 135k per pair! it's awesome, huh?

saya tau online shop ini sudah sejak lama. kalo ga salah dari Woro Pradono. Mbak yang gila sepatu ini sering banget nyebutin WONDERSHOE di blognya (wondershoe must thank to her! you got your free promo, sis!).
dan liat katalognya bener2 bikin saya salivating!!! apalagi bulan oktober kemaren, ketika Diana Rikasari secara khusus mendesain tiga buah sepatu untuk Wondershoe. they are so cute! sayang sekali edisi itu limited hanya bulan Oktober. saya terpaksa gigit jari karena kehabisan.

Ingin sekali memiliki sepatu wondershoe dari lama. Cuma pada saat itu saya belum pede dengan belanja online, baik itu melalui web, blogspot, multiply, atau facebook. cuma dengan beranjak waktu, semakin menjamurnya online shop, dan semakin menipisnya waktu saya untuk keluar belanja, mulailah saya browsing-browsing online shop kembali, termasuk wondershoe ini.

and, you know what??
i've already ordered my first wondershoe shoes!!!
two pairs of them!
(karena ada hadiah IPOD NANO 16GB di akhir November ini. Wish me luck! :) )
can't wait until it's ready, i'll show you them! of course!
wait, wait, wait!! :)

ice creaaaam!!!!!!!!!!

begitu liat komen mbak eka di posting ini, saya langsung teringat beberapa hari yang lalu.
siang hari, selepas istirahat, tiba-tiba bos saya mengajak keluar "mbak, ikut saya liat alat di daerah Lantumenten ya!"
aduh, sumpah setengah mati, saya malas sekali keluar kantor. dengan kerjaan yang berjibun, akan lebih baik saya diam di tempat saja.
hati itu hari pertama saya dapet juga. moodmeter saya sudah menunjuk angka minus, pikiran udah gak bisa diajak kompromi, belum lagi semua tanda-tanda kedapetan melanda saya. sakit perut, pegal-pegal, dan ingin meledak. wanita,wanita, betapa sulitnya menjadi wanita. hehe..

anyway, he insisted me, jadi saya pergi juga.
saya pergi bersama tiga orang lainnya dari pihak owner.
tapi lho? kok mobil yang saya kendarai tidak menuju arah Lantumenten, tapi berbelok masuk ke arah Hotel Borobudur?
saya sedikit bertanya-tanya, dan ternyata kami semua tidak langsung pergi ke tempat yang dimaksud, namun mampir dulu untuk dijamu salah satu pimpinan dari perusahaan yang memiliki alat itu.

well,makin malaslah saya. pasti jamuan ini isinya basa-basi, ketawa-ketiwi gak jelas antar pimpinan. mau apa saya yang cuma staf biasa ada diantara mereka?

di restoran, saya juga cuma diam, hanya menanggapi dengan anggukan atau senyuman, atau sekali-kali ikut menjawab jika ada yang memulai pembicaraan. tiba-tiba salah seorang berkata pada saya, "mbak, disana ada es krim lho, mau?"

saya mengikuti arah telunjuk dia, dan terperanjat melihat satu counter Baskin-Robbins (yang berada sedikit di pojok, oleh karena itu saya tidak melihatnya sebelumnya) duduk manis, seakan melambai-lambai pada saya.
Baskin-Robbins! all i can eat! for free! (yang paling penting gratisannya kali ya, kapan lagi bisa makan Baskin-Robbins sepuasnya dan GRATIS!!)

dan menguaplah semua kekesalan, rasa eneg, pegal, dan sakit perut saya itu. ice cream is created to help bad mood. i realize for sure. :)

PS. they are so amazing! i spent three scopes! nyesel banget karena sebelumnya sudah makan siang,jadi masih dalam keadaan kenyang. :p

ah..

ada saatnya sulit sekali untuk fokus pada satu hal.
biasanya yang terjadi ialah pikiran terbagi-bagi pada banyak hal dan kita jadi pusing sendiri, memprioritaskan yang mana, mengerjakan apa terlebih dahulu.
kadang tubuh duduk diam, mata terpaku ke layar komputer, sedangkan pikiran melanglang buana.
padahal saya baru 21. single. which means masih hidup sendiri dan belum berkeluarga. tidak perlu cemas memikirkan suami yang mungkin sudah pulang kantor dan belum ada masakan tersedia di rumah karena saya masih sibuk lembur di kantor. tidak perlu memikirkan anak-anak yang perlu diajari membuat PR. tidak perlu memikirkan pembantu bandel di rumah yang kerjanya kelayapan ke tetangga. atau tagihan listrik, PLN, dan telepon. atau cicilan rumah yang belum dibayar. kartu kredit. SPP anak. dan masih banyak lagi.
saya masih hidup sendiri. ngekos pula. yang saya lakukan sehari-hari cuma pergi kerja. pulang. tidur. nonton TV kalo sempet. jalan-jalan di akhir minggu. that's it. sesimple itu, kalo misalnya dirangkum dalam beberapa kata diatas.
tapi saya masih sering menemukan diri saya terbagi. tidak bisa saya hanya memikirkan kerjaan walaupun masih di dalam jam kerja. fokus saya sering terbagi, yang akhirnya membuat saya pusing sendiri.
Entah bagaimana menentukan prioritas dalam hidup, saya juga masih belajar.
Ketika datang dua hal yang sama pentingnya dalam hidup, bagaimana kita akan memilih ketika tahu tidak dapat melepaskan keduanya?

banyak kepala

Mungkin karena ini pengalaman pertama saya di proyek, saya kadang masih bingung dengan job desk yang harus saya kerjakan.
Pernah merasa menjadi orang paling bodoh sedunia?
yah..itulah yang saya rasakan sekarang.

yang mungkin paling membingungkan ialah banyaknya kepala yang ikut berperan di dalam satu proyek.
dari mulai owner.
MK.
Perencana Struktur.
Perencana Arsitek.
ME.
dan kontraktor sendiri.
Semua kepala punya isi dan pemikiran berbeda-beda.
Dan salah satu tugas saya adalah menyamakan persepsi itu agar gedung yang kami bangun bisa sesuai harapan dari semua pihak.

dan itu sulit sekali!
menghubungkan pikiran orang yang bahkan tidak berada dalam satu tempat yang sama. oke, ini zaman modern. bisa telpon, fax, maupun email.
tapi, terkadang telpon, fax, atau email saja tidak cukup menggambarkan keruwetan yang timbul di dalam gambar rencana.
Saya ngomong A di telpon, perencana berfikir B.
Saya menuju gambar A, dia menuju gambar B.
dan pada akhirnya malah gak nyambung sama sekali.

Belum lagi kalau gambar dari perencana struktur gak klop dengan gambar arsitek.
Mungkin itu hal yang sangat biasa di dunia perproyekan, cuma bagi saya yang baru pertama kali mengalami ini, rasanya amat mumet njelimet!

Belum lagi kalau perencana arsitek dengan seenak udelnya mengubah-ubah gambar arsitek yang bisa berpengaruh pada desain struktur. otomatis struktur harus desain ulang. analisa ulang. ngerayu-rayu perencana struktur untuk desain ulang. karena, jujur saja, saya masih kebat-kebit kalo desain saya dieksekusi di lapangan. amankah? bisa berdiri dengan kuatkah? apa suatu saat bisa ambrol?
berbagai pikiran buruk langsung hinggap di benak saya.

Ini semua mungkin biasa bagi orang yang sudah lama berkecimpung di proyek.
namun sekali lagi, ini tetap hal yang wah bagi saya. yang harus saya adaptasikan.
yang harus saya pelajari dari awal.

dan kemarin ketika fesbuk saya berkata "PERENCANA GAK JELAAAAAS!!!", salah seorang senior saya waktu kuliah memberi komen, "kalau ada perencana yang jelas, ga perlu ada kontraktor", saya otomatis tertawa terbahak. benar juga, kalo semua perencana jelas, langsung saja panggil tukang, dan ga perlu ada kontraktor untuk menggordinasikan semua ini.

waktu

oke.

akhir-akhir ini mobilitas saya tinggi sekali.
mungkin jarak Pasar Rebo - Kwitang bagi beberapa orang Jakarta adalah jarak yang tidak terlalu jauh.
Cuma bagi saya yang terbiasa bermobilitas di dalam kota kecil, seperti Sukabumi atau Semarang, jarak yang kurang lebih 20 km itu, terasa jauh, apalagi jika harus ditempuh malam hari (dalam keadaan macet), dan berulang lagi pada paginya (macet lagi).

Saya terkadang kagum dengan orang-orang Jakarta ini. Sepagi apapun saya bangun untuk mengejar busway, biasanya sudah ada sekelompok orang yang mendahului saya. Dan jalan pun biasanya sudah dipadati oleh bermacam-macam kendaraan. kapan orang-orang itu bangun? apakah mereka tidak pernah merasakan nikmatnya bangun siang?
Pagi-pagi sudah berdesakan, berlari mengejar kendaraan umum, saya tidak bisa membayangkan bagaimana mood saya hari itu, jika pagi saya sudah dimulai dengan hal-hal seperti itu.
Oleh karena itu, sejak dulu, saya selalu memilih tempat yang dekat dengan tempat kerja saya. saya tidak bisa "menjadi tua di jalan" seperti orang-orang Jakarta lainnya.

Waktu sangat berharga kan?
Apakah berarti jika kita menghabiskan berjam-jam di hidup kita hanya untuk duduk termenung di jalan, menanti kemacetan, tidak melakukan apa-apa, dan jauh dari orang-orang yang kita sayangi?

Monday morning and Doraemon

yah...disinilah saya, sedang berusaha meningkatkan mood untuk kembali bekerja setelah dua hari full weekend (mumpung proyek blum full speed, saya masi curi-curi waktu untuk bisa bolos hari sabtu)
buka fesbuk, buka twitter, nyempetin ngeblog.
liat update status dari temen-temen.
ko hari ini banyak sekali yang pasang status " I love Monday" ya?

saya, personally, ga pernah suka hari Senin.
Hari pertama berkerja setelah berleyeh-leyeh pada hari Minggu.
dimana mood masi menunjuk ke icon MALAS.
kadang, seperti dulu lagi, ketika saya masih duduk di bangku sekolah dasar, saya bertanya-tanya, kenapa harus ada hari Senin?
atau diam-diam berharap ada keajaiban, dan seseorang mengirimkan Doraemon kepada saya, sehingga saya bisa mempercepat waktu dan taraaaa... tiba-tiba sabtu kembali menjelang.


huf.
kenapa Doraemon harus datang hanya kepada Nobita yang cengeng, manja, dan childishnya ga ketulungan itu?
Saya lebih membutuhkannya!!
Kenapa Nobita yang ga ada bagus-bagusnya itu bisa beruntung sekali mendapatkan Doraemon sih??
geez, everyone, i need Doraemon so much!
ada yang mau kirim satu untuk saya?

nighty milky

what a tiring day!
i've been called, go there, sit here, type this, count it, and my boss continuously ask me whether i've finished my job. he's so unstoppable. he's nice but sometimes a bit impatient, and rarely i wanna shout, "oh c'mon! it's not as simple as simsalabim abrakadabra!"

i want J.Co Heaven Berry so bad!
so ironic, me, only separated by few meters away from nearest J.Co counter, but i even can't escape from my office for grabbing one Heaven Berry!
such as living in one of greatest book market in Jakarta, but don't have enough spare time for traveling through it. i hate it. work, work, and work. spending many times in my life for working.

strangely, sometimes i love my job. there's a time when i feel so grateful, i feel like i am in love with my job. my heart beats faster when i find new challenge, and i am so excited to solve new problem. so, here i am. at the middle of love-hate. confuse to decide. am i loving? am i hating?

life!
there's lot things have happened in one day. one tiring day.
i still don't know when i will go home (hope it soon!) and taste Heaven Berry (still!)

Love you,,

PS.
Good news. Case of soldier pile is closed. Suddenly i feel so in love with my structural consultant (he suffers flu, poor him.. if i were him, i really don't want to be disturbed by any kind of Plaxis or PC-ACOL while i have bad influenza and sneeze all time. but he did it! thanks God.)
so, it's time to think about another problem.
geez, we still have 7.5 months until the building is finished. wish us luck!
:)

morning tea

morning everyone, morning headache, morning my unfit babe, morning suckling traffic jam, morning laziness.
it's 8. 41 am, but i find none at my office. are they have similar laziness like me?
i found so hard to get off my bed, i want crawl and hide under my blanket! i don't want think about any soldier pile (and no fellas, soldier pile doesn't mean pile prajurit! c'mon!), or where i must put dewatering point at my project. argh! i wanna runaway for a second.

i don't know, i feel like i am not ready for growing up.
there's a part of me which want to stay childish, and take no care for situation around. put egoism above everything.
so many to be thought, and i really devastated about it.
indeed.

oh my,
boss is coming!
okay, see you later!
lotsa kisses!

I've been trying for a while, starting my paused writing life again, but dammit, i really have no idea what to write.
so i dare myself, write again, write anything, any other things which swings in my mind, i don't care whether i blurb with no purpose, or just make bad idea in writing, or some trash that i shouldn't put here.
however..
i wanna write so bad.
so bad til it feels like explosion in my heart.

people..

as i told you before, i have a new life.
it seems like you open a door without any knowledge what inside.
scared, nervous, excited, lonely.
yes, once again, i feel so lonely with this crowd around.
i hate adapting.
like i try to waste all relationships before, and getting to know new people.
getting to build my new "family".

again.

sometimes, i don't even know which one is friend or enemy.
people act nice, they can stab your back.
surprisingly.

once again in life, i feel so empty.
i don't know where i going through.

new life

hey..hey..

zap,zap,zap!

gw kayak ngalamin time warp akhir-akhir ini..

sejam berlalu seperti sepuluh menit. hari-hari berlalu seperti saya tidak menapakkan kaki, dan taraaaa..
disinilah gw berada.




ada.
di proyek.

it's so unbelievable.

Minal Aidin Wal Faidzin

hey....hey...

udah lama banget ga update.
saya kena sindrom malas pas liburan.
daily activities: bangun, makan, guling-guling, ngemil, tidur.
boro-boro mo nnyentuh blog..
buka internet cuma buat liat facebook dan update status twitter.
blogwalking aja malesnya luar biasa.


ide juga buntu.
buntu lagi.
banyak si yang mau saya tulis.
cuma rasanya tangan ini males banget buat bergerak.
haduh...
otak kebanyakan diem, tanpa diasah, jadinya rada-rada sedikit bloon gini ya? ;p


sebelum lupa,
buat semua blogger yang uda nyempetin mampir.
better late than never

Selamat Hari Raya Idul Fitri 1430 H
Minal Aidin Wal Faidzin
Mohon Maaf Lahir Batin yee..


PS. doakan saya kembali produktif yaaa..

Takut.

takut.

manusia selalu merasakan itu kan?
Entah itu manusia paling berani sekalipun.
Entah itu pahlawan super yang selalu bersembunyi di balik topengnya setiap hari.
Entah itu presiden negara adidaya sekalipun.

Saya sering merasa takut.
Entah dari kapan rasa itu selalu muncul.
Masa kanak-kanak saya pun dipenuhi dengan banyak rasa takut. Takut kegelapan. Takut gagal mendapat peringkat satu. Takut ditinggalkan teman. Takut dimarahi guru dan orang tua.

Tumbuh dewasa, rasa takut itu masih ada. Yang lucu, kadang-kadang rasa ketakutan itu tidak membuktikan apa-apa.
Masa SMA.
Saya takut ketika mommy menyuruh saya masuk kelas aksel. Bayangan steorotipe teman-teman yang nerdy, dan selalu belajar dengan keras memenuhi kepala saya. Saya takut akan kehilangan waktu bermain saya, bersenang-senang, dan menikmati masa SMA saya.
Kenyataannya, teman-teman sekelas saya jauh sekali dari kata rajin dan nerdy. mereka seperti anak-anak SMA lainnya yang suka main ke mall, nongkrong sehabis pulang sekolah. saya sangat menikmati masa SMA saya, dan tidak ada penyesalan sama sekali, walau saya hanya menghabiskan 2 tahun di tempat itu.

Masa kuliah.
Saya lulus PMDK di salah satu universitas di Semarang.
Takut lagi.
Bagaimana tidak?
Saya belum pernah ke Semarang sekalipun, tidak punya saudara sama sekali disana. Kota yang benar-benar asing bagi saya.
Dan saya akan menghabiskan 4 tahun disana! jauh dari teman-teman saya, tidak ada satupun yang diterima di universitas yang sama dengan saya. tapi berbekal tekad kuat dari mommy (untunglah mommy bukan ibu yang memanjakan anaknya. Selama saya di Semarang, saya hanya dijenguk 3 kali! dalam 4 tahun!), akhirnya saya berangkat juga ke Semarang.
Pada akhirnya, saya bahagia disana. Menenukan satu keluarga baru, teman-teman yang selalu menjaga. Mereka yang tulus, yang membuat saya kerasan.

Lulus kuliah.
Saya dihadapkan pada dua pilihan tempat kerja yang begitu berbeda.
dan takut itu datang lagi.
saya takut memilih.
takut dengan segala konsekuensi yang akan datang dengan pilihan saya.
takut dengan masa depan yang tidak saya ketahui.
takut saya salah memilih, dan segala sesuatunya tidak berjalan sesuai dengan yang saya harapkan.
tapi, saya tetap harus memilih kan?
and i did it.
Guess what? saya puas dengan pilihan saya. Saya sangat bangga bekerja disini.

Sebulan saya bekerja, saya dikirim ke Medan.
takut lagi.
takut dengan orang-orang baru, dengan suasana baru, dengan segala sesuatunya disana.
tapi apa yang terjadi?
ketika saya harus kembali ke jakarta, saya malah menangis tersedu-sedu, tidak mau meninggalkan Medan.


Hari ini.
Rasa takut itu datang lagi.
Tumbuh lagi perlahan, merayapi pelan-pelan di hati saya.
Saya berharap, bahwa ini hanya sementara.
Bahwa, pada akhirnya, saya bisa menemukan sisi terangnya seperti yang biasa terjadi.

gempa!

gw takut banget.
serius.
sukabumi, kota gw, emang rentan kena gempa.
dulu, pas gw masi bermukim disana (that means gw blum kabur ke semarang buat kuliah selama 4 tahun, dan hijrah kerja ke jakarta sekarang), sering gw ngerasain getaran-getaran kecil malem hari.
sukabumi juga cukup sering terkena gempa, walopun wilayah gw masi cukup aman, beda sama wilayah kabupatennya yang cukup parah kalo kena gempa.

lagi khawatir dan sulit berpikir.
doakan ya teman-teman, mudah-mudahan ga terjadi apa-apa..

tweets..tweets..

sounds like everyone tweets now..
so..

follow me on

http://twitter.com/yuliadeladacrea


masi gaptek ni...
ajarin duunk..kqkq..

another update.

life is so much like roller coaster, right?

i mean, we'll never know what will we be someday, where we stand by, with whom, destiny, fate. it runs fast, faster, and suddenly everything seems so blur, we can't remember again any idea that we've planned before.
but i don't mind. i 've been learning that plan is not always be the first priority in life. somehow, we ruin it, we made mistake, we walk uneven, we forget the plan. just like now, i am writing here, no idea what must i am writing of, just type, type, and type, before they are exploding in mind and never had chance to be shouted out to the world.

oya, happy fasting for you, all Moslems.
suddenly, Ramadhan's coming, right?
It's my first Ramadhan in Jakarta, being alone again, adapting again, what a day. My first Ramadhan while working, i found it is fun, although some silly things can annoy me, and make me mad. and... just take a deep breath. i know i can made it, as four years ago when i had my first Ramadhan in Semarang, alone.

Nevertheless, i miss my mom already.

i miss Wulan too...
it's been long time since i met her for last time..
have i told you, this august is our 16th anniversary?
yipee.. we've befriended for 16 years! omigod,, it's a long time, huh?
i wish we can be that way forever, until her grandson call me "granny.." :)

another update.
i've been removed!!
hahaha.. seems my boss think it's better in many ways if i sit near him..hahahaha..
pssst, do not tell him, i don't think so, :)
however, i feel comfort in my new desk, but prefer my old one..

fellas,,,how're you doing?
tell me about your fasting, your new experience, and another bla..bla..bla..


PS. i lost my last cat.
she died because of sick.
hiks, home will never be the same again...

ternyata..

lega rasanya disaat seseorang bisa melepaskan kita dengan ikhlas.

terkadang gw merasa nggak pantas.
begitu banyak orang yang sayang sama gw, memberikan banyak sekali kasih sayang, pengorbanan, cita, harapan.
tanpa gw bisa membalas, atau memberikan sesuatu kepada mereka.
merekalah yang selama ini membentuk diri gw sehingga menjadi sekarang ini.
menjadi seorang dela yang seutuhnya.
gw harap.
sayang itu selalu ada.
walau mungkin sudah berbeda bentuknya.


dan sekarang,
biar aja kita menjalani jalannya masing-masing.
mudah-mudahan itu yang terbaik..


oke.
cerita yang lain.
i am addicted to white casablanca!!!!
kemaren perusahaan gw ulang tahun dan ada subkon yang ngirim karangan bunga gede, yang keselip beberapa tangkai bunga casablanca warna putih.
cute banget!
gw langsung kegoda buat nyabut satu, kqkqkq...



but i didn't!
keburu ketauan soalnya..
haha..




anyway...

Happy Birthday Indonesia!

Happy Birthday PP!

Jaya selalu yak!

emosional.

itulah saya.
kadang ga ngerti apa sih yang berkecamuk di dalam pikiran saya, apa saja materi-materi yang menyusun logika dan perasaan saya, sehingga saya bisa seemosional ini.
dari suatu hari yang gembira, dimana saya tertawa sampai kadang-kadang nyaris histeris, saya bisa sekejap mata merasa sedih kemudian menangis.

seringkali, empati saya berlebihan.
sehingga ketika orang lain merasa sedih, merasa marah, merasa bad mood, saya ikut terpengaruh.
saya ikut merasakan apa yang dia rasakan, mungkin bisa melebihinya.
sementara orang itu berkutat dengan masalahnya sambil menggerutu, mood saya bisa berkali-kali lipat lebih buruk daripada itu.

saya hobi menangis.
seringkali saya berpikir, apakah ada orang seperti saya yang sering sekali menangis.
Saya menangis ketika menonton film.
Saya menangis ketika mendengarkan lagu.
Saya menangis ketika menulis.
Saya menangis ketika membaca.

Seringkali saya lelah dipermainkan oleh perasaan.
Seringkali ingin mengesampingkan yang namanya emosi.


PS.
Dear mom...
life is so tiring.
being adult is never be fun.
show me the way to my childhood, so i don't have to think about life..

miss this place..

and these people...

perfect condition

there's no such things called " perfect condition".
i've read it from evita's blog, and i realize it.

every choices have their own consequences.
i can't pleased everyone. somene maybe getting hurt, but once again there's always consequences among steps that you'll take.

all you have to do is praying, hoping that everything will be alright, do your best in every steps, and try not to repeat similar mistakes like the past.

there will always be lossess, and losses did hurt.
however, life must go on, right?
we just can't get everything we want in life.
we have to pick one.

and..
there's no such things called "right choices".
we choose, and what to make it right is what we will complete it in future,

bismillah.
i'll choose...

geez..

i am turning 21..


update at July 31th.


ok.
that was my birthday which i was waiting for.
i've been so busy all long day (i was at office almost for 24 hours! at my birthday! can you imagine that?)
i was like gonna crying and whimpering as if i could remove my birthday to another day. hahaha..
but, however, there were always rainbow, rite?
at middle of the day, i got a cute surprise! someone gives me fancy ice cream cake! It was so cute in pink, even i didn't want to eat it. i just stared it, and suddenly felt so "uh-wow"...



everybody came and said happy birthday and i was so glad! this is my first birthday at office, and i didn't expect they will remember it.
(or they did because of tart,hm? :) )



after all..
thanks Allah for giving me such as nice and beautiful live for this 21 years..

PS.
thanks for "tambah usia"nya juga ya... ;p

three days until..

argh,,
can't wait til the day!

sekelumit pikiran bodoh di malam hari. jangan dibaca, karena ini hanyalah pandangan skeptis dari orang yang sedang gundah dan khawatir setengah mati.

saya nggak ngerti terbuat dari apa hati manusia, sehingga bisa merasakan beribu perasaan tumpang tindih seperti ini.

human is complicated creature.

kadang saya berpikir akan lebih baik jika saya terlahir tidak sebagai manusia.
yang selalu dipusingkan dengan beban perasaan.
saya ingin menjadi makhluk yang tidak ambil pusing.
hidup berdasarkan hukum alam.
dengan hanya dibekali naluri untuk bertahan hidup.

menjadi manusia sangat melelahkan, bukan?
tumbuh dengan begitu banyak pikiran.dengan hidup yang begitu kompleks.
dengan embel-embel "makhluk sosial" dimana kita harus juga memikirkan orang lain.
terikat pada begitu banyak aspek kehidupan, sehingga sampai pada satu titik. dimana pada dasarnya manusia hidup untuk orang lain.
pikirkan saja.
segala niat, segala perbuatan, selalu didasari oleh keterkaitan dengan orang lain. saya mulai bertanya-tanya, kapan terakhir kali saya melakukan sesuatu untuk diri saya sendiri. kapan saya berbuat, demi kepentingan diri saya sendiri.
tidak dengan embel-embel untuk keluarga, saudara, teman, atau orang lain yang ada di dunia ini.

saya hanya ingin egois sesekali.
berbuat semau saya.
hidup sendirian.
tanpa harus memikirkan apa konsekuensi dari segala perbuatan saya terhadap orang lain.
tapi, tampaknya tidak mungkin ya?
tidak di dunia ini.

thepradonos

liat, liat, liat deh!

kemarin iseng-iseng posting question di the pradonos.

taunya dijawab sama mbak woro!

dan dibuatin satu posting sendiri!

baca deh!
klik DISINI YA!!!

creamy yummy sunday!

how's your holiday guys?????


mine was great!!!!!!!!!!
at first, i planned for going home to Sukabumi, but suddenly Wulan told me that she will come!
yipee!

i totally miss her so much!
it has been long time since we met each other and hanged together. i canceled my homecoming plan, and wondered what will i go with her.
first, we went to Cheese Cake Factory in Tebet. that was our first time going there, and it was great!
i love the place, it's so cozy, so that you can't take off your step from there! hahaha..
we ordered pizzas, barbecue beef, and cheese extravaganza, super yummy delicious! i do even feel that tastes until now. and its blueberry cheese cake! it's so crunchy, so you can eat it on and on and on and on!!!! he, you better taste it by yourself, i am not paid for telling you this. they were really yummy!
i even took their cake brochures, maybe i will get their cakes for my birthday. ;p
strawberry cheese cake seems cute, and delicious of course!


The Great Blueberry Cheesecake!



Barbecue Beef Pizza.



Cheese Extravaganza Pizza.... with parmesan, cheddar, blue cheese,,,hmmm..yummy!

after hanging there for long time (it's so hard to leave, it feels you can stay there forever! we got nice place in the corner, where we could laugh aloud, took photos as many as we can), we leaved and went to Grand Indonesia.
Wulan hadn't saw The Fountain Show before, so i was going to show her, and i was so excited to see how impressed she is!
yayaya, she was impressed! a lot! we were like such two little girls who watched kinds of fairy tale come true! best part was when bubbles drooling down, falling from the ceiling. wonderful!
we also took some pics in Grand Indonesia, what a beautiful interior. i never get bored there. we also bought Krispy Kreme, curious of its taste ( wulan exactly attracted of its shape. the sell Spongebob doughnut!).

after all, weekend must over..
haaah.. get back to reality.. i hate monday a lot, guys..
get a solution for it?
:D

someone's crying

i've been issued to post at last three days, but i don't know, maybe something went wrong on this blogger, so i couldn't post anything, i even couldn't give any comments. but, however, i found it have worked again, so taraaa.. here my new post, hehehe..

nothing special in this few days, except one. i found someone cried. sounds ordinary?
it's a man.
still sounds nothing.
i told you, the man whom i'd like to tell you about is a tough man. strong enough. rigid one. i've known him for five years, and i always found him as a great man.
and one day, bum! i saw him crying.

crying with fragile. such as a boy who lost his sweets or candies, whether he has prepared to eat them. i saw him bursting into tears until i found myself get harder to breath. it's so unusual. it's unbelievable.

and the caution is..

LOVE.


i should guess it before.
why love can't bring happiness as it should bring, but only confusion, sadness, and any other unthinkable things that shouldn't exist on earth, for heaven sake?
i will never understand.

welcome, july!

finally july is coming.

i'd like to tell you that i am relieved. june is over, dear, and my heart beat faster, impatiently, to know what will happened in july.
this month i am turning 21 (hwaa.. 21, people? can't you imagine that? i feel sooooo old!), and there are many things that hopefully change.

have i told you that lately i've been becoming movie-freaker?
it shouldn't happen, i always be busy, no times for myself, and you must not believe. i did no shop previous month! at all! (uh, well..that body shop sale, but can we miss it? it's sale, and the thing is i didn't buy any shoes or dresses or some wardrobe thingy! i really had no time!)... but, there was always spare time to new movie. i even sacrificed my bedtime only for going to cinema! incompétents, non?
i've realized it when someday, my girlfriend asked me hanging to cinema, and i was such as "eh-what should i watch? i've already watch this, this, and this..". hellow...??? huhuhu, it's so ridiculous if you can't go to cinema just because you have no idea what to see!

after all,
Suddenly, wanna eat pizza!
ngidam, huh?

anybody? who want to deliver pizza with extra cheese for me?
he..

hero

semua orang pasti punya pahlawan masing-masing.

kalian juga kan?




kakek saya adalah pahlawan saya.

sebagai anak dengan dua orang tua yang sibuk berkecimpung dalam karirnya masing-masing, waktu kecil saya dititipkan pada kakek-nenek saya.
aki, begitu saya memanggil beliau.
beliau mencurahkan begitu banyak kasih sayangnya. karena saya merupakan cucu pertamanya, hampir semua keinginan saya dikabulkan.
bagi saya, tidak ada yang lebih hebat dari aki. ketika saya merengek-rengek kepada ibu, untuk dibelikan boneka barbie (dimana waktu itu hampir semua orang punya, dan saya tidak), dan hanya dijawab dengan bentakan, aki-lah yang bersusah payah, berpanas-panas mengubek-ubek ke dalam pasar, demi menawar boneka barbie untuk saya (walau pada akhirnya saya tau, kalo boneka barbie itu tidak original dari mattel, tapi tetap saya amat bahagia menerima barbie pertama saya).
aki juga yang selalu mengambilkan raport saya tiap caturwulan, mendengarkan setiap perkataan dari guru saya, disaat papa saya tidak bisa pulang ke rumah, atau mama juga membagikan raport untuk muridnya di sekolahnya. beliau yang selalu memuji saya, ketika mendapat peringkat, memberikan hadiah yang mungkin tidak seberapa, namun tetap bisa membuat saya tersenyum senang.
aki yang mengurus saya, ketika saya menderita bronchitis, dan harus menjalani pengobatan selama 9 bulan penuh. beliau yang telatin menyuapi saya dengan obat merah (yang sampai sekarang saya tidak tahu apa namanya, namun pahitnya ampun-ampunan) yang harus saya minum secara rutin. dan selalu membujuk saya ketika saya menolak dan memuntahkannya.

waktu saya beranjak SMP, aki jatuh di kamar mandi, dan terkena stroke.
aki harus duduk di kursi roda, dan tidak pernah bisa berjalan lagi sejak saat itu.

namun aki masih seperti aki yang dahulu. aki yang selalu tersenyum ketika saya datang menjenguknya. selalu tertawa jika saya bercerita padanya, walaupun beliau tidak bisa membalasnya.
aki selalu bisa menenangkan, jika saya sedang bermasalah dengan orang tua saya.
aki tidak pernah berkata tidak.



tanggal 1 agustus 2000, aki pergi untuk selama-lamanya.



saya selalu teringat aki. selalu. bagi saya, dialah orang tua saya yang sesungguhnya. dialah pahlawan bagi hidup saya.



aku, aki, sama aldo, my young brother.



ps. how about you?
tell me about your own hero..

why's so serious?

just a little update says that i've already watched TRANSFORMERS!

absolutely cool and amazing! must seen movie!

hahaha, however, i was a bit curious of its ending. it's like "huh? is it over? what happened next?"
oon ya? ;p
even, i must asked someone to repeat some scenes from the ending.

however,
how about your days, guy?

i've been unlucky lately. i found myself writing on my messenger and facebook that i hate this month. so cynical, huh? the fact is i was being so unhappy-gloomy-annoying-miserable girl this month.
i've told you,huh, about rainbow, dream, and my fugitive.
but after all, even so hard, i was realizing that life is too beautiful to be scared of.



so, why's so serious???



and after all, there are many amazing people around me. nothing to scared of.
must learn a lot from Joker. i think he lives his life happily.

for better or for worse (sedikit nostalgia yang ga penting)

ngerasa pernah denger?

iya, emang gw ngambil judul diatas dari petikan wedding vows.
tau kan?

biasanya seperti ini.

"
I, Anne, take you John, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.
"

no...no..
i am not gonna married already.
gw cuma sedikit terpesona aja sama kalimat diatas.

warning.
ini curhat lagi, jadi bagi yang merasa malas membaca segala omong-kosong, keluhan, kata-kata klise nan pasaran, lousy grammar, silakan skip saja postingan ini.


selama 20 tahun hidup (okey, 21, sebentar lagi) gw menemukan bahwa gw termasuk orang yang ekstrovert. i love making friend, mingle everywhere, every time, with every one, dan taraaaaa... tiba-tiba saja teman gw bertambah banyak.
Belum lagi faktor usia yang biasanya menempatkan gw sebagai si bungsu (i was entering elementary when i was five, and followed acceleration class in high school), sehingga biasanya teman-teman gw menempatkan gw sebagai orang yang selalu harus dijaga, diperlakukan secara hati-hati, dan tidak disakiti..
(well, lebay mode ON, hahaha..)
gw inget, sekitar empat tahun lalu, ketika gw masih semester satu, dan mahasiswa baru di semarang. sendirian, dan sama sekali tanpa saudara disana. menjelang UAS (ujian akhir semester),gw tiba-tiba terkena radang tenggorokan dan batuk yang berkelanjutan. (satu lagi dari gw, gw jarang sekali batuk, tapi sekali gw terkena batuk, bakal lama banget,dan sulit sekali ilang!)
i was totally curious, bingung mau kemana. terharu banget ketika temen-temen kuliah seangkatan gw dateng, dan bareng-bareng nganter gw ke rumah sakit. it was awfully funny, gw cuma sakit batuk, dan waktu itu ada sekitar 12-15 orang yang nganter gw ke rumah sakit. masih terbayang wajah dokter yang bingung, dan bilang, "yang sakit yang mana ya?". hahahaha.
Zaman gw dulu, sesi pelantikan masih termasuk sesi yang berat. Tiap Sabtu dikumpulin di kampus, disayang-sayang sama senior. push up, bending, lari. blom lagi dibentak-bentak sedemikian rupa, sampai kita dibikin setengah mati jengkel, dongkol, sebel. tapi, sekali lagi, sebagai anak bungsu, gw selalu aman. senior-senior gak ada tuh yang kasar sama gw. mungkin pada ga tega liat muka gw yang babyface dan melas gini ya? ask them why,people.
Pernah juga sebagai anak bungsu, gw disuruh nentuin berapa kali push up buat anak-anak cowok. ntah apa yang ada di pikiran gw yang masih polos dan lugu waktu itu, gw bilang 99! yup, 99! gw masih inget jelas gerutuan temen-temen cowok gw waktu itu. sampai sekarang, ada juga tuh yang blum tau, kalo gw adalah cewek yang nyuruh mereka push up sampe 99 kali,, (piss guys, kalo seandainya ada yang baca ini,hehe..)

dan sampai sekarang.
kita masih terikat sebagai saudara.
gw kadang-kadang heran (dan sedikit kasihan mungkin), kalo ada beberapa orang yang bilang, sulit sekali menemukan teman yang selalu ada dalam susah dan senang.

well,
i don't.

gw sangat bersyukur dengan teman-teman gw yang selalu ada.
mendukung gw disaat gw sedang jatuh.
buat gw senyum, disaat gw sedang rusuh.
no matter how far they are, mereka selalu ada.
jadi inget kata-kata seseorang.
kira-kira kayak gini,
"it feels like in heaven. staying here with our lovable people"

yayaya, i am so glad having you all around.
for better and for worse.



ps.
i miss you all, dear.
hope to meet you all soon!

run,dela run!!

"you can avoid reality but you can't avoid consequences of avoiding reality.."

kemaren liat kata-kata itu dari status rengga di facebook..

oya?
padahal, kalo dipikir-pikir, gw masih sering melakukan hal itu.
lari dari kenyataan.
sedikit-sedikit maen kabur.
mencari kenyaman ketika gw merasakan insecure.
kabur ketika merasakan ada yang nggak pas dalam hidup.
gw kadang-kadang masih terlalu pengecut buat tau dalam hidup, ga semua hal bisa berjalan sesuai dengan keinginan kita.

childish ya?
c'mon La,,,growing up!
ternyata susah banget ya, menjadi dewasa itu.
sulit sekali menghadapi kenyataan.
harus banyak-banyak tawakal.

bismillah...


PS. dan kalau kata panji..

"Don't always hope things go as your desire,,but face all happenings resolutely,,so your hearth is always safe,,.
Fall seven times,stand up eight,,my little friend,,,"


hahahaha..like it very much!

ng..

sepertinya saya masih harus bersabar..

karena seperti eka bilang the sky yet is far from the brightness.

saya kenapa?
i won't tell you, it's private things! hahaha.. :D
let's talk any other things.


i had a nightmare.
again.
actually i am not quite sure, whether it's nightmare or not.
the thing is, it was good dream.
i can't stop smiling, remembering how happy I am.. in that dream.

i was having good time,
enjoying every moment,
being with my all lovable persons.
i was laughing, smiling.
i was being protected.
i was in my comfortable zone.


so, was it a nightmare?
YUP!
yes, it was!
it turned become nightmare, when i wake up and found everything was fake.
all are unreal.
it was totally nightmare when i found that things couldn't run like a dream.

dream,
dream,
dream,


it's totally fake, isn't it?

storm vs rainbow

STORM

could explode anytime.
that's really what i felt.
combine my "monthly syndrome" (heck, it's hurting, for real..), hangover ( dunno, lately i always feel headache when i wake up in the morning. anybody please, do you know any solution? ), and nightmare.
for god's sake, i don't want to grumble on and on, but holaaa? it such as befriending with nightmare. it comes to me every night, and i swear to you, i've already prayed to Him, but it still comes. always, lately.

the result is,
i often cry,
unable to sleep,
black shadow under my eyes,
geez, what's happening in my life exactly?
i really have to know if you have had similar experience like this.


RAINBOW

yesterday, i was hanging out with some friends, and it was sooo refreshing!
we're going to Pejaten XXI, watching Star Trek.
you should watch it!
it's so enormous!
i really love Spock, he's adorable!
Zachary Quinto plays well, i prefer him than Kirk himself,hehehe..
watch it, or you'll regret it.. ;p



me and my bodyguards..hoho..

next,
i can't wait for TRANSFORMER!!!!!!!!!!

will i find it?

saya kangen liat pelangi.

rain was falling on and on, but after all, i never had a chance to enjoy the rainbow.
i was wondering why.
was it involved by my growing up?
i mean, it was so easy to see the rainbow then, when i was little girl.
i came outside after hard rain, and here is it.. popped up in blue sky, charm rainbow appeared.
hide beautifully, like saying hi to everyone, and smiling to me.
was i imagining it? was it real or such a kind of kiddie's dream? did i see the real rainbow?

remember, once had said, "after every storm, a rainbow appears",
i believe it.
i did believe it.

no idea..but now i just don't believe there'll always be rainbow after every hard storms.


update in 12.39


wow,,,i don't believe, after all blah blah about storm and rainbow, went outside, and found darkness. yap, there'll be big storm. lighting, thunder everywhere ( have i mentioned that i hate it?)
guess, can i see rainbow after it?

cul de sac

buntu.



ga ada ide.




anybody, please tell me, what should I write!

blah, blah, blah!

hola!

libur di tengah minggu kemarin sukses bikin semangat kerja menurun (buat gw lho! dunno what's on your mind karena sekali lagi gw bukan matt parkman.. ;p), kantor sepi banget (karena semua orang memanfaatkan harpitnas ini buat mudik), dan duit abis! (yayayaya.. sebenernya uda mau ngirit, i swear, but can't help, really can't help when i saw The Body Shop Moroccan Rose Collection yesterday! huuu..langsung borong deeeh..)

sempet nonton Angels and Demons..
really cool, walo emang gw harus mengesampingkan fakta kalo gw udah baca bukunya.
Kebiasaan dari dulu, setiap nonton film yang diangkat dari buku, pasti gw ejek abis-abisan..hehehe.. (beside LOTR,,they are great!!!!!!!)
settingnya keren banget, bikin mata melotot trus, tapi ga bikin deg-degan, secara gw udah tau endingnya gimana.. ;p

trus..
kangen rumah...
hari ini bisa pulang ga ya..



ps. fellas, how's your holiday yesterday?? was it good enough? hopefully you enjoy it! :)


pps.
eh..eh..
tau2 jadi pingin choco volcano ni...tau kan??