family

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!

tommorow is holiday, and i love holiday soooooo muuuuch!!!

i've decided to spent my holiday in Padang, my dad's hometown.
just for information, last time i went there is when i was at kindergarten!!!
haha, honestly.. i took a long time to get this decision.
first, i beg a lot apologizes dad, but i am not sure if i remember all my relatives there. i mean it. it has been a long time since i met them for last time, now i doubt if i can mention their name, one by one.
huff.. silly, i know, but i am not connected well as Hanafiah's, you know, we called and texted each other, but we assembly rarely. yeah, separated by distance is our main problem.

first, it feels reluctant to go there. i didnt wanna be kinda strangers there. i was afraid. what if i can't adapt well with my cousins? what if they're different from what i've imagined before? and any other "what if" fly through my mind.

then, i think..
yup, i was thinking, it's too silly.
if i can collect my braveness to come there, to Medan, where i do know NO ONE here, why must be afraid to visit my own FAMILY???
it's my CHANCE to know them better. why must i be some kind of coward and afraid to come?
then i decided to go. i must know my ancestos from my dad.
it's a right time, La.. c'mon..

terpana

haaah..
ga ada ide buat nulis apa-apa sih..
today is monday, and here is like graveyard. so silence.
beda banget sama hari sabtu minggu kemaren, which suppossed to be holiday, tapi gara-gara tender USU yang deadlinenya hari ini, semua orang kalang-kabut setengah mati, sampe ga tidur dua hari dua malem.

makanya sekarang kantor rasanya hening banget karena semua orang ngegeser hari Minggu ke hari ini.
what is it with contractor???
hehe..

read it carefully, pals!

banyak orang bilang gw beruntung punya Andesit.
yup, i am. i am lucky girl, who sometimes can't be grateful for everything i've got, he..

pernah ada seorang temen bilang, "andesit tu setia banget ya la, sumpah.. abis itu sabar banget, ga pernah marah..pantesan kalian ga pernah berantem"

ato

"andesit kok ga pernah sebel gitu ke kamu La? dia datar banget ya? pasti kalian mulus2 aja"

ato

"tau ga La? andesit tu ga pernah macem-macem, tipe cowok yang simple and nice, kamu beruntung banget."

even my mum said, "kok andesit mau sama teteh ya? mamah heran...". ^&$#%$$%@#%#@!!!!

senior gw yang sekarang kuliah di luar negeri dan baru saja mengalami patah hati (hoho,,detail banget ya??) bilang, "aku ngiri banget la sama kamu, kamu tu kayak ga punya masalah cinta, kisah kamu tu luruuuus, ga ada belok2nya, ga ada jeglongannya.."

temen gw juga pernah bilang ke ceweknya, "Liat tu, dela ma andesit, ga pernah berantem, mana pernah dela ngomel-ngomelin andesit, mana pernah mereka bentak-bentakan di depan umum..kamu harusnya bisa ngikutin mereka.."




well, just fyi guys..
we are human, too. gw manusia, andesit juga manusia.
we are like ordinary couple, we had huge quarrel too, sometimes we snapped each other too (umm, kayaknya gw ding yang lebih sering bentak-bentak dia, hwehe..)
don't judge the book by its cover. mungkin itu ya, peribahasa yang cocok. Gw ma andesit dari luar emang keliatannya lempeng-lempeng aja. akur. adem-ayem. kompak. seiya sekata. sehidup semati. (stop it La, back to theme!).
tapi sebenernya kita juga ngalamin apa yang setiap pasangan lain alamin. berantem, diem-dieman, beda pendapat. bahkan JENUH. ga boong, buat waktu 3 tahun yang bener-bener menakjubkan ini, dimana gw ga pernah bikin komitmen serius sama orang lain selama ini, gw pernah ngerasa JENUH.
ini dari pihak gw ya, ga tau kalo dari pihak Andesit. dan, buat orang-orang yang baca ini, dan mau ngadu ke Andesit, jangan repot-repot. i've told him everything. EVERYTHING.

Wajar aja kan kalo pasangan ngerasa JENUH? apalagi dengan kondisi gw sama andesit yang nota bene ketemu tiap hari, bareng tiap hari. itu juga yang kadang-kadang memacu emosi gw keluar, dan berakhir dengan pertengkaran. TAPIIII.. ada tapinya ni, kita (terutama andesit sih) selalu berusaha agar tetep terlihat biasa dari luar. Munafik? yah, bukan gitu sih.. alesan kita selalu nyembunyiin hubungan kita yang lagi anjlok dari pihak luar adalah perasaan takut kita akan campur tangan dari pihak luar, yang pada akhirnya memperkeruh suasana, bukannya malah menyelesaikan masalah. jadi, walo kita lagi berantem gede, ato lagi BREAK, kita akan berusaha terlihat BAIK-BAIK SAJA di depan orang. Emang, kadang pihak ketiga dibutuhkan untuk mendamaikan, kalo engga buat ngasih solusi, cuma selama masalahnya masih bisa ditanggung sendiri, yah kita coba buat selesein sendiri.

Gitu juga dengan kejenuhan. Kalo gw merasa jenuh, dan mule ada bibit-bibit buat nyari fling (hehe..) gw bakal bilang ke Andesit dulu. daripada bilang ke orang lain, trus orang lain itu bikin gosip-gosip gak jelas, trus nyampe ke telinga Andesit dalam bentuk yang ga keruan?? gimana coba??



Ga.. gw ga bikin postingan ini buat nyombong segimana hebat gw maintain hubungan gw sama andesit. ABSOLUTELY NOT! justru gw bikin posting ini, buat nunjukkin kalo we are not perfect couple. we're similar like any others. gw kemaren baru ngobrol sama salah seorang temen cewek gw. dia rada-rada ngeluh gitu. ceritanya, cowoknya (cowoknya dia juga temen gw) selalu membanding-bandingkan hubungan mereka sama hubungan gw dan andesit. naaaah.... itu yang gw ga suka. dianggap sempurna. yaaah, buat modeling dan inspirasi sih boleh-boleh aja (he, pede banget ya?), tapi gw uda mule ga suka kalo orang uda bilang, "Contoh tu dela ma andesit, mereka ga pernah bla..bla...bla...bla...". hey, you don't know us! yang tau tentang gw sama andesit, ya cuma kita berdua. kita ga pernah susah-susah mempublikasikan kejelekan hubungan kita, karena buat apa sih ngumbar aib??? (sorry to Dewi Persik..hoho)
jadi please, don't get your relationship harder and try to find something perfect. coz, nothing perfect in this world. except Allah SWT.

daydreaming

daydreaming brings much joys for me.

i was dreaming of my childhood.
it was amazing time, when nothing can be feared. joyful, colorful.
remember when i was in elementary school, playing is my daily needs. i liked having adventure with my best bud, wulan, we was walking on small path, climbing trees, chasing each other, looking wild fruits. we walked throughout the river. we were naughty then. we liked escaping from our maid, and having fun outside, without telling anybody at home. i remember, we often lie, i said i would play in her home, and she said the same thing. it was so funny when our maid checked at our each home and they couldn't find us. he..
sometimes, we sat on our secret place, we called it our "headquarter". we just kept silence while seeing field, and hearing lullaby sang by birds. We were pretending as if someone else.we pretended to be princess,sailormoon,even power ranger!it was our moment. there was a watercourse there, and we played around there. there were a bunch of flowers too. Honest, like white lily.
now, i can't go there. a home was built there. we have no headquarter again. sigh.



i was daydreaming about my adolescence.
it's so fun, when we started falling in love with a guy. just foolish-love story, but i know it leaved print. we did many fool things. we had same diary, i often wonder when we will have same diary again. we crushed on same boy, but after all, we had our own boys. we spent our precious time, just to follow their attitude, their activities (their = the boy). we wasted our time, by hoping someday they will look at us, and realize there were two girls who loves them so much.
hehe, kinda freak, huh?
i can say we were obsessed. until now? i don't know.


i was daydreaming about my adulthood.
it's time, when we get mature, and being separated. we couldn't spent time together. i lived my life, so did her, in different city. kinda hard, three times in a year-meeting, but yeah.. we through it.
we lived different love stories, i was almost sad if remembering i can't follow her journey. we only talked a while, and kinda busy to take another business.



now, i dream about future.imagine pretty house with green garden at front and back. Cats chase and run around,while i feed them. Children play..
Ummm,wait?children?have i mentioned "children"?
Oh no,c'mon,back to present. It doesn't mean i don't wanna any,but hellow..
I am still 20,and there are many things i can do before having baby!
Married is one of them.

PMS

i dislike hectic on friday. it annoys me and break everything. today is all crap. me, not the day. i become damn-childish-spoiled girl ever. friday should be amazing day, gate which introduces us to weekend. too bad, today isn't. blamed myself already, and of course my PMS. yeah.. i know, most of u must said, "oh, please..not that pms again..", but really can't help but say, "guys.. girl do feel bad when we get it, and we can't do anything". i mean it.
world soon changes into enemy, and all things that befriended with us go away.
sweet tone in head become evil, and try to make things get worse.
oh.. i hate pms so much, when all comes irrational, and i really feel mad with people.
i irritated many people, and one of them even said, "hell la.. you're so peevish today"
( well, he didn't say as honest as that, but approximately like that).
i am officially desperately bad mood, and poured my anger to everyone. poor them. they know nothing.

can't concentrate, hope it'll end immediately.

Buku adalah Teman, huh?

Buku adalah Teman.

haha..old school-proverb..mendadak gw jadi sok oldies dan melankolis gini soal buku.
masalahnya di Medan ini, begitu pulang kantor, no things can entertain me but books. it's real. ga ada kompie disini ( i miss momot so much, can't do anything without her..her???haha..).
emang ada TV di rumah kos gw, cuma seringnya gw segan dan pakewuh buat gabung dan nonton bareng. Huff, lagian mau lihat apa?? sinetron> lagi? hell, get bored with all dramatic scenes provided in our screen. Can all indonesia producers make up their mind, and think someting different??
i am so impressed with outsider's.
don't u know their series, like Heroes, Smallville, or Gossip Girl? it blew like Mango Sale at year end!!!!! supposed we should make new innovation here..


yeah, yeah.. enough with all crap.
finally, gw balik ke hobi lama gw. yaaah, sebenarnya juga ga lama-lama amat sih.. tapi dengan semua kesibukan baru gw di kantor, gw rada-rada ga sempet aja buat hang out, dan searching buku-buku bagus.
tapi, setelah pindah ke Medan, dan ga punya kesibukan lain setelah pulang dari kantor, akhirnya gw mulai lagi teradiksi sama buku.

believe it or not, baru 2 minggu gw di Medan, gw udah ngabisin buanyaaaaaak banget cuma buat buku, dan di kamar gw udah kayak ada perpustakaan pribadinya gitu,hehe..

ini daftar buku yang gw beli selama 2 minggu ini.
1. Pillars of The Earth - Ken Follet
gw udah lama banget nyari buku ini. dulu gw pernah pinjem dan baca, dan gw terpesona. sumpah. buku ini punya 1000 halaman lebih, dan gw inget gw belain - belain baca buku itu nonstop dari jam 9 malem, sampe jam 12 siang keesokan harinya! gw ga pernah nemuin buku yang begitu detail, penokohan karakternya kuat, dan alurnya bikin penasaran. u better find it out ASAP. ga bakal nyesel, cuma butuh sedikit pengorbanan waktu aja buat bacanya. plus kesabaran, buat orang-orang yang ga suka baca buku tebel-tebel,he..

2. The World is Flat - Thomas L. Friedman
gw adalah tipe orang yang baca buku sekali jadi. which means, gw selalu ngabisin buku dalam sekali baca. gw bukan tipe orang yang naro buku ke meja sebelum buku itu selesai gw baca. tapi buat buku ini, i really give up. sebenernya gw juga beli gara - gara referensi dari beberapa orang yang bisa gw bilang hebat lha, jadi gw penasaran buat baca. quite interesting, apalagi tentang istilah-istilah baru yang buat gw amazed banget, cuma buat gw yang baru PERTAMA KALI ini memasuki wilayah bisnis dan globalisasi, gw sedikit dibuat pusing sih, he..
Sampe posting ini dibuat, gw belum selesai baca buku ini, padahal gw udah beli dari 2 minggu lalu,he..

3. Maryamah Karpov - Andrea Hirata
Lucu juga. Gw kemaren ke Gramedia buat nyari novel terakhir dari tetraloginya Laskar Pelangi ini. gw kecewa banget ps mbaknya bilang kalo stoknya abis. gw juga udah puter-puter Gramedia buat memastikan, dan emang ga ada. Bete banget, akhirnya gw mutusin buat nonton Twilight (btw, ni film keren banget. i found new toy. edward cullen. he's so adorable. and kissable. haha)
abis nonton, iseng gw balik lagi ke Gramedia, dan magically di samping novel Edensor, ada novel Maryamah Karpov!!! Tinggal 1 eksemplar!!! gw juga ga tau darimana, cz sebelumnya emang ga ada..tapi ga peduli, langsung gw ambil dan bayar ke kasir saat itu juga. hoho..

4. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
jujur, blum sempet gw baca. cuma dapet referensi dari blog Dian Sastro aja.

5. Kisah Daud dan Trista 2 - S Mara Gd
Yah, sedikit aneh kalo gw bilang gw adalah real fans dari S Mara Gd. mungkin jarang kali ya orang seumuran gw yang suka sama novel-novelnya yang nota bene tentang pembunuhan dan detektif-detektifan. but i really love her, and no offense, she has same quality with Conan Doyle and Agatha Christie.

6. Nice Girls Don't Get Rich-75 Kesalahan Perempuan dalam Mengelola Uang.
gw lupa nama penulisnya, dan blum sempet baca bukunya juga. tapi kayaknya buku ini COCOK banget sama gw yang selalu trapped at discount time and sale, hoho..

Selain buku di atas, gw juga udah beli 7 komik Conan dan 3 majalah! aduuuh, addict sih boleh aja, tapi kalo kayak gini, ga baek juga ya..
tapi mau gimana lagi, cuma buku satu-satunya temen gw saat ini.

Idul Adha

Lebaran sendiri.

Waw..being alone is frightened thing.
Dan sekarang gw ngalamin itu.
Dari kemaren,gw uda nyoba nguatin hati dan bilang, "c'mon,it won't be that bad",tapi pas pagi ini,gw buka mata,trus ngedenger sweet tone dari orang-orang yg takbiran di mesjid depan rumah,gw langsung berpikir,"sigh,it's painful anyway.."
gw bahkan harus memaksakan diri buat bangun,dan sempet terlintas di benak gw buat skip salat Ied,how nasty,tp akhirnya gw bangun jg,dan langsung preparing buat salat Ied.

What a surprise,begitu sampai di mesjid,gw liat "sedikit" banget orang yg dateng. Gw lupa,gw berada di Medan,dimana populasi Muslimnya so so. Gw terbiasa dengan lapangan yg full sm orang berbaju koko,dan bermukena,jd rada sedikit amazed aja,lihat komunitas yg bener-bener kecil ini.


Sekarang,gw udah duduk manis di kamar,dgn perut kenyang (makasih bu Ida,udah nyiapin lontong opor..),enjoy the circumstances.
Suasana pagi ini gloomy bgt,sedikit mendung,angin dingin kadang2 lewat. Miss my mum so much,gw pikir dia juga pasti ngerasa kesepian yg sama dengan gw.


. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (i've became senseless. I'll continue writing later)

Toba Lake

Hey!
I just wanna tell u,right now i write from Toba Lake!
Yipee!
Cant believe i am here,never wondered before i can visit this place.
Yesterday,i went with my friends (all of them are boys,you must know my condition..),decided to go although we had no idea what will we through,cz noone from us had gone there before!
Haha,we had no maps too,just asked and asked to other people.
Tough journey,feel like "si Bolang",you know?
This adv. is both exciting and scary. We went there by bus. I let my life hanged by destiny and belief.
I was scared when night was coming and we hadn't arrived. Cant tell it to my boy-friends,afraid that they would see me as a coward. I tried to show my braveness,and got relax instead of saying what my heart feels.

But,it's worth!
When we through mountain paths,we saw many glitters above..
That's the lake!
Waw..kinda glimmer of hope,my friend said.
When we got bored with this journey,finally we saw glimpse of lamps,glowing in the dark,and it reflected on the lake's surface.
Can't describe what i see..it's so desperately beautiful.
Hope u can come here someday and feel what i feel now.
Ps.i'll publish some pics ASAP after going home from here.

early morning

"KONSULTAN GILA!!!!!!!"

Barusan gw baru denger Sani teriak itu..
(sani is my office-mate, an OJT too..)
it's so early in the morning and he has got some complaint!!!!!
hehe, but i didnt blame him at all..

i was too lazy to write in English. yesterday was hard, and today will also be.

kemarin Sani dapet kerjaan ngitung volume buat proyek Rumah Sakit USU. Volume beton, bekisting dan besinya. He was so excited, and so did I, coz it'll be my first technical assignment here.
i was going to help him soon.

tugas pertama adalah ngitung volume kolom.
and guess??
gw blum pernah liat konfigurasi tulangan kolom seaneh ini!!
Tulangan kaitnya mencong-mencong teu pararuguh, tulangan utamanya ga bentuk konfigurasi segiempat yang sempurna.

gw jadi bingung..
apa gw yang ketinggalan jaman dan ga tau perkembangan struktur terkini, atau drafter proyek ini yang ngantuk, dan ga becus ngegambar?

however, gw juga ngeliat Sani ngerutin keningnya, dan gw bernafas lega. Ternyata bukan gw aja yang bengong ngeliat gambar yang aneh ini.

After all, we had finished column yesterday, so we start estimating for beam today.
dan kata-kata pertama yang Sani bilang begitu liat drawingnya...

"KONSULTAN GILA!"

Yup..susunan balok yang aneh, bingungin, dan njelimet.
haha..bahkan gw ga bisa menggunakan bahasa Indonesia yang baik dan benar buat ngegambarinnya.
didnt get it. it's only ordinary 6th story-university hospital, and they design 83 types of beam, 40 types of columns, and spider's foundation!
konstruksi sarang laba-laba!
kasian ucup, he must draw it again for...uhm, i didnt get idea what its purposes..

ok..must back to the work.
just wish me next best things in life, ok!

Anger at the Night

Life is world of lies and unhappines. Nope, i didnt talk about this whole world. I am talking about me.
Only God knows,how hard i've struggle for being here. No matter with me,i didnt care. I've just thought my mum,how to make her glad without thinking myself. It's sweet,isn't it?
I was wrong.i must take care of me first.ok,call me selfish-egoistic girl,but it's true.how come you'll make other people happy when u didnt pursuit your own happiness?
Remember when we take flight?stewardess always said,if any trouble happened,we MUST take care ourself first than another.
Even MOTHER and her BABY.First,i didnt get it.of course,a mother will get her baby safe first than herself,but now i see.
If she cant help herself,how will she come help another,esp.her baby?
Huh,a complicated analogy,i know.
I feel like that mother. At one side,i think i dont take any caring of myself.i made all of wars for other people.for my mother,especially.for my bf.for the FUTURE,which i wont even know it'll be there or no.
Future is so absurd,why cant we forget it and take some relax?why must we plan of it,arrange some ideas that makes me freak and try hard to pursue it?
I know,dream is our way holding our world. But it cant be better,if ur DREAM is affected by other people.
DREAM should be yours,totally yours.


Exactly,i dunno what's the purpose of this writing.i've lost my way,and cant think clearly. I am ok being here,but i should get better one. I hate wasting time here,sitting down from 8 to 5,doing nothing,and it repeats on and on. Hate it,hate it,hate it. Want something dynamic,what must i do?
I dont want my time wasted away like this.time's too precious to be done like garbage.we only live once, i wanna get something better than this.i wanna think of MYSELF only,no care of people's talk,and enjoy life.
I just want my sensibility back.

Just u and i,maybe u think i am coward,or a bit sarcasm,right?yeah,totally suitable labels for me.

Gender

Damn!
I've written a lot,but i pushed wrong button,and it erased all.
I'll tell u and publish it later.

-UPDATE AT EVENING-
Okey,
today is hard for me.workless in office,friendless,laptopless.really need a laptop.ASAP.i didnt get a pc,so dunno what 2 do.crap!no idea how to get matters for my assessment,if i only round on confusing.
I feel jealous to my guymate.i really,really dont want to discuss gender,but i feel it in my industry.feels everybody underestimate me cz i am a woman.
Uh,remember my last posting?i told u that i can handle being only girl in "town".
Well,the fact..
I cant.
It's tough,hanging out with some male that i never knew before.
Dont get it wrong,they're so friendly.they treat me well.but after all,of course we're different.
I just cant asked them for going out,accompanying me shop 'til i drop,
they cant give some good advices whether that shoes fix my feet or no.
I cant share my secret about adorable guy I met. (i have no doubt,they will laugh at me)
i cant ask them to sleepover at my place.
Damn,being lonely again.

I cant afford it.world without feminism.there's just me.only me,who wear heels everyday.i even cant tell them how glad i am,getting limited edition-lip balm from The Body Shop! (c'mon,they dont even know what The Body Shop is!)

i need girlmate.ASAP.

Well,nothing's perfect i know.

Ps. I just want to tell u,first time i came to office, i wore high heels-peep toe,and it knocked the floor. "knock,knock,knock...",and after that,all employers saw me like i am freak girl who has lost my way.geez.u wont believe it. But it did happened.

a note from manager's desk

geez, no idea for writing something. i feel my mind is stumped. what's up dela???
usually, i always have some ideas to be poured down,
now..

blank.

i got a comment from someone, dunno who is she/he.. (can u tell me?)
but thanks a lot, progressivaholic, i really didnt expect to be someone's inspiration,hehe

i thought today will be great, i really love friday,
batik-day, and i have an hour-free for myself in room, when all the men in this office going to Jumat pray. and what's better than weekend tomorrow???
hah..
but, everything' getting disorder, when i heard a news just now. sorry, can't tell u what it tells, my privacy, but it reverse my world here!
i think world will never be prettier as before,he..

i was surprised, my moving to Medan didnt need a tough adaptation. i like being here, i love people around me.. (yeah, yeah..) and i haven't felt any loneliness yet. (dunno what's going on tomorrow). i feel so much fun and hope it'll last until i come back to jakarta.
one of my trifling problem is no girlfriend here, but it isn't important at all. i can handle it.

i cant wait til having around in this city, culinary travel, taste durian (you wont believe, here, durians are so cheap!!!! you can get 3 by paying only 25 thousands rupiah!), and of course shopping! i haven't shop for this month, i still wonder who i will ask for accompanying me,


i miss head office, a bit.
i miss the smell of dvrt's room.
i miss hiding from mrs.santi when i chatted.. (he, sorry mrs..)
i miss time when mr. partha calls me, and gives me some presenting job, and tells me the he doesn't like bright colors, nor dark colors.
i miss beti..huhu..
i miss gang senggol, we have no canteen here, we have no "food court" like gang senggol here..

yayayay! many things that i've already missed.
cant wait til we meet again.

a bit of narcism..way from CIBUBUR!!!!

queen of snake.. i keep on thinking why i mind doing that..haha..



mudbath...yiek...fun but i wont do it again..



weeew.. will i fall????



ready to fly..



keep smiling even failed..









me and new friends!!!!we're all on this together..

Medan

finally..here i am..

Medan, unknown city, place that i've never visited before..
too bad, i was the one who be sent here by my office, just two days after opb in cibubur..
packing made me tired, also sad.
how come? i've just stayed in jakarta for a month, and after hard adaptation, i was forced to left, and move into new situation. peevish.

my heart was beating fast when my plane landed in polonia.. everything was so strange and unusual..
haha..fortunately, i have two friends for accompanying me, so i wont get bored at all..

and guess???
i am one and only GIRL in office!!! i mean it..
geez, miss beti so much ( she has been sent to surabaya ), i've no idea how i'll through it all. wish me luck.

no time for going around. i hope i'll have some break times for hanging out. i cant wait til i can see how pretty medan is, so i wont complaint, and keep my sadness.
hope, it can end soon.

ok, lunch time is coming, and i have to go..
sorry, i just can update it shortly, i promise, next time will be better..
bye.

Live from Cibubur

Hah,it's just unbelieveable. I've been here,for a week..many things happened.life become tough and beautiful at same time. Yeah,like roller coaster.
So painful. I mean it. Be unfocus, and keep on pretending is my daily act. After last nightmare on Friday, i keep crying, crying, and crying. Wanna runaway, and must have done it, as if i didnt remember my mum. I even thought of death. Trust me, it's so painful, my heart keep beating unrhytmely, and i was lost on my own way.

During this week, i've been following an orientation for new employees. We have been being trained by some armies military. Yup, i wasnt kidding. MILITARY. i enjoyed it,as long as i didnt remember my fam's problem. I was so tired,being happy-calm-gladful girl in front of all my friends. But,it didnt matter. All i've done is for my mum.. (Read this carefully mum,even i tried be brave enough to hug those cobras, just for you!)

I am missing my guys already. Basecamp guys. This situation remind me of them, and i cant get them out of my head. I love them.

Lan texts me,she just wanna know when i will go home. I laughed at heart,got a big confusing at where i will go home. Where's my home now? I have no idea,but gosh, i am starting to miss her too..

Struggling hard here every day.SO HARD. Against our tiring,facing some new rules (u wont believe, i'll publish some pics later,when i am home),and keep surviving from a new fling. It is SO DANGEROUS,and i dont want being trapped anymore. NEVER.

Almost being mad,but start to enjoy it.keep positive thinking,there are people who still love me sincerely.
Even,after every hard storm,
Rainbow appears...

more pics of me. hope it didnt make you bored

Oh yeah..i’ve promised you too, for publishing my office, but sorry I hadn’t taken lotsa pics, cuz I’am still new person here, I must impress them, and showing as if I am working hard, instead of taking pics there, there, and there..hehe..

So..here..
It’s me..in batik, which means Friday. And have I mentioned that I really love Friday? when everything are out of box, and I must not wear my WHITE SHIRT,haha..



Yes, I was sitting in front of my desk. Behind me, there is Mrs. Santi’s desk, who is my boss, so I must be careful, always, to prevent she, catching me up when I was using internet connection for silly things (yeah,like friendstering)



My desk!!!
Haha..finally you see it. I know, every tiny things go mess around, haha, but that wasn’t my fault. 75 % of those things isn’t my belongings, so I don’t want waste my time to make it tidy. Haha, selfish. After all, I’ll leave it, cuz few weeks later I’ll go to Medan.

Wait..wait.. I haven’t told you yet.

I’ve been removed to Medan. The letter came about two days ago, informed that I would be allocated in Medan after new employee’s orientation in Cibubur this week. Shocked? Yeah, a bit. I’ve prepared it, cuz there’s an issue before, telling it too. Ready? No, I think I will never be ready for my whole life. Being far from my family is usual for me. But, from my sweetest thing. I couldn’t take any guarantee. I am not brave. I am scared. So much. But it’s life. Can’t go with our own way. Haaah.. I am so lazy to discuss this Medan-things. Let’s catch this up later.

lotsa pics from my graduation day

Hahaha.. blogreaders, I’ve tried being honest with you. I’ve been preparing this writing since a night before, instead of arranging it directly, live (cast in place, according to civil phrase,huhu..funny..) like I usually do. the reason is a day before it (which means today, when I prepare this posting) my boss has complaint me about how long I’ve used my time for browsing, blogging, and friendstering instead of working. (whether I guess it didn’t true, I’ve done my job, and she didn’t ask me to do anything, why couldn’t I do something more important? hehe). Yeah, whatever it is, I think it’ll be better if I make this at home, so tomorrow, I’ll can post it by copying and pasting, so it won’t take long time. And she won’t complaint me again,hoho..

It’s strange to say that I am lack of idea. Serious. I dunno what to write. I feel like a dumb. I don’t blame myself, even most creative authors have through their hard times, aren’t they? And me, I just ordinary girls, with personal blog, trying to impress everyone else with my unimportant bla..bla..and cas..cis..cus..and kwek..kwek..kwek.. (kidding, I really NEVER mean to impress anyone. NEVER) so, why can’t I feel an emptiness, and blankness?

So I’ll fulfill my promise to publish some pics. I’ve told you I’ll attach some pics here, which should be set in few times ago, but pardon me, cuz of my laziness to bring a data cable, so I can’t remove all my photos.

Remember? I’ve graduate just about a week ago. Here’s some pics from my graduation day.



Me and my dearest friends. I’ve just separated with them for few days, but it feels like thousands ages! I couldn’t imagine that I’ll find another like them. How precious you are in my life!



From left to right : Tosan, Wuri, me, Vega, Adit. We’ve struggle hard and finally! This is the day, friends! Our time’s arrived. But life is just begun,,



Dunno, why I sets this pic. Wime took it, and seems it great and funny. Narcist. Haha..



Speechless. I am just missing him.



Still speechless.



Gold heels : me
Black-dirty-ugly sneakers : my brother.

Yup, my brother, he used sneaker on my graduation day. I know he’s so casual, but please, can’t he respect one day –just one day in my life--- to look formal?? But I don’t think he’ll try hard. That was the proof.

Yup..some pics from my personal life.
I hope it won’t bore you all, cuz I really like share my narcism to everyone..haha,,

farewell, long distance

farewell is not fun at all.

yesterday was my graduation day, and i feel lotsa feeling..
relieved and affected, finally it comes, time when i walked to the front, received congrats from my rector.
and guess??
being 1st female graduate at commencement makes me feel a great pride. i was the 1st person walking up the stair. i was the person, who sat on 1st numbered chair. i could brought my parents walk toward with lotsa joys and prides.
but, after party's over, i must faced reality. i must back into real world. so hard, cuz graduation days for me means breaking all the bond. Bond between me in my campus, bond between me and my lecturers, bond between me and my friends. i didnt say that i wont face them again, but everything will change. we've grew up, living in our own way, step alone. no more hanging out cz we're on different track.
i still keeping it and dont want to waste it away. i keep thinking times will never change, and keep thinking that things always be the same.
haha.. must throw that child-feeling away.

long distance isn't fun at all.
honestly, i hate walking on this. i am sick of this "long distance" thing. i am revolted of the "it's for our both future" idea. i just wanna be with him. sounds selfish,i know, but f***ked with all theory, my heart, my feeling never lies.
i can't enjoy it. i dunno, whether it's my fate or no, whether i've tried enough or no, i just think i cant. i feel like hypocrite, sometimes i told my friends to change their mindset, so the can receive everything in life sincerely. but, now i feel empty, and i just can implement it.
yeah..i am not grateful enough. with all God's bless, i still moaning. i am a jerk.
but, nothing i can do. nothing,
geez, i miss him so much,

update.
i've read one posting, which could make me cry..read this. maybe i am too dramatic and melancholic. i dunno.

OCTOBER

finally,

today is end of october

many changes happened
things went different
weird
strange
unusual
i felt lonely
alone
empty

needed an adaptation
and customization
made any excuses
unconfident
weak
careless

silly
stupid
naive

but..
i was learning.
life is learning, and i'll never stop.

that was october means for me..

unforgotten moment in my life,

Short Update : Black is Better

Tau situs Blackle???
search engine kayak Google gitu, tapi versi saving energy-nya..
alo kita pake Blackle, kita bisa liat di start pagenya berapa watt energi yang kita simpan, dan itu sangat membantu bumi lho!

nah udah lama gw tau tentang situs blackle ini, trus kemaren pas lagi blogwalking, ga sengaja baca sebuah blog yang nyebutin kalo website hitam itu lebih hemat energi! Warna hitam di layar komputer membutuhkan 59 Watt, sedangkan warna putih ato terang membutuhkan 74 Watt!

akhirnya gw ganti deh template halaman blogspot gw..yah, mudah2an aja ga ada yang komplain. gw uda berusaha agar tulisannya tetep kebaca kok..

lastly, mungkin dengan hal - hal kecil seperti inilah kita bisa membantu bumi.


PS.
oya..
away from my topic today..
i've been missing some people today. cant say how much i miss them. teguh, my partner, he was missing cz business, really miss time we've spent together. i learned a lot from him, and i dunno, when will i ask him to explain some new and amazing thing which makes me feel stupid (damn, he's so smart! i really envy him). vega, i heard you're sick, and you know i had spent many times, reminding you to have some breakfast. but you always skip it! sri, i really enjoyed our Smallville-time..remember,huh? cant wait to hear your noisy voice!
last semester in my college, i didnt have many times for hanging out with them, i seldom meet them, sorry i cant mentioned all of u, just be sure, ure more than writings in this blog. i love u more than that..

Love is Uneasy

Again, me, being trapped in very heavy traffic jam---on my way home---, makes me feel 'oh-so boring', so i decide to update my blog.
This morning, i received bad news from my bff. Really bad,cz she told me that she broke up with her boy. Dunno what happened, guess their relationship did well --- i know,cz i am their Miss Matchmaker --- although they had 'long distance relationship' and had had some quarrels, but i never took it seriously. I knew that they loved each other.
Hm, i tried to find out what's going on, but i didn't get clear explaination. My bff replied my message with only one or two words, i could feel she was desperately in sadness, and soon i felt it too. I almost decide to visit her in bandung instead of coming home. (I canceled it,cz i really needed going home).
She told me why her BF broke her up, but i thought it was unreasonable.

Why do some people think that 'love is uneasy'?
Why do they make everything become hard to lived,become impossible?

What am i thinking?
Love is easy,people. Love is quite simple and sweet. Never make it harder, never think how complicated it is, and you'll feel love is easy. If you love,just love,other feelings will come by itselves. Just love,and you'll find a commitment.
Just love,and you'll be more confident.
Just love,and you'll sacrifice.
Just love.
I could find perfect words to narate what i felt this morning. I found AGAIN someone who thought that love is uneasy.

PS.do i look so naive?mybe some people will think like that.

Arti nama..

Believe it or not..ini arti nama aku..

YULIA DELA DACREA
Mengandung Arti:
- Jalan penghidupan yang tentram, merdeka, bahagia dan sempurna
- Kecintaan dan kebahagiaan
- Kekuatan
- Pengampunan dan kemerdekaan
- Keteguhan, kebijaksanaan, pengaruh dan kekuasaan
- Kesempurnaan dan kebaikan
- Kemasyhuran dan pernikahan
- Kesesatan dan kedukaan


WHAAAAAT???

Apa maksudnya kesesatan dan kedukaan??

Buat tau arti nama kamu, klik disini ya..

Quarrel in the Morning (sebuah episode..)

fiuh..after waiting so long, finally.. i can use my mate's comp---fyi, my comp has no internet connection,sucks!---, and updating my blog. i'd like to tell you today.
it was ordinary morning, quite boring, until it happened.
(fyi, i'll use my mom's language, Indonesian ---thing that I avoid, cuz i really mean to write in english, so i can improve my english, although with lousy grammar,huhu--- cuz i think it won't be funny at all in english.)

jadi, seperti biasanya ni, hari gw dimulai di kalibata. buat nyampe ke kantor gw yang ada di pasar rebo, gw harus nae metromini (bisa no 640,64, ato 62)sampe pasar minggu, trus nyambung angkot merah S15. yup.. kali aja ada yang mau mampir,he. nah, cerita gw dimulai dari angkot S15---umm, juz little confuse, anybody know angkot in english??---. pas gw nae, angkotnya masi sepi, cuma ada satu mbak-mbak (ato ibu2 ya?) duduk di deket pintu keluar. nah, si ibu bawa belanjaan banyak banget dua keresek item gitu, dan barangnya ditaro di deket pintu masuk, jadi rada susah masuknya, but it's not a big problem for me. nah masalahnya, pas ada seorang nenek tua mau masuk. dia bawa barang lumayan banyak, keranjang yang digendong di punggungnya, trus dua keranjang belanjaan gede gitu. kira2 kayak gini lha tampangnya,,



yaah..kurang lebih lha..walo ga mirip2 amat. si nenek itu mau masuk, tapi susah, cz kehalang sama belanjaan ibu2 itu.trus si nenek ngedorong belanjaan ibu itu rada ke samping, maksudnya ya biar dia gampang masuk. eh..si ibu malah sewot.
beginilah kira2 percakapan diantara mereka.

ibu2 (i) : eeh..kenapa ni dipinggirin, saya mau turun di depan..deket kok!!
nenek2 (n) :yeeeh..bukan gitu..rada ke pinggir dikit napa?
(lalu hening sesaat)

n :yah..sekarang itu pada ga sopan ya sama orang tua, sama nenek2, nenek mau masuk, malah diomelin, mentang - mentang cantik, tempat di angkot diambil semua..

(dan gw pun berpikir, kayaknya ibu2nya ga cantik deh..heheu)

i : (dengan sewot) eh,nek!bukannya gitu! ga ada hubungannya sama cantik! (yee..dia GR,heheu), saya kan udah minggir dikit, tapi nenek tetep dorong2 beelanjaan saya!

n : (dengan tidak peduli) yaah..kayak dia mau bayar 5000 aja, padahal kan bayar sama, tapi angkot dikuasai..

i : (marah) nek! udah lah, sekarang kan saya udah nyingkir, ya udahlah diem! ga usah celoteh2 lagi!

n : (makin ga peduli) yah..orang kayak gini mah, susah dapet jodoh, paling bentar ya 3 taon lagi..ato 5 taon lagi..kasian calon suaminya, dibawelin trus tiap hari..

i : %*^*$%&$#GHG!! (maaf, ga bisa ditampilin, coz si ibu ngomong kasar banget!) udah,kiri!!Kiri,bang!

si ibu pun turun, dan akhirnya kedamaian pun tercipta kembali di angkot itu.
begini kira2 wajah si ibu itu..



maap, ga bisa nemuin gambar yang pas, tapi kira2 seperti itulah muka si ibu, tapi lebih muda kira2 5 tahun..

dan seperti inilah kira2 angkot yang gw naekin..tempat tragedi itu..




ga penting.

white...white..everyday in white..don't you feel a bit bored?

i adores white so much..i had lotsa white tees, although mum always didn't like it, cuz it would get dirty faster than ever.. (haha..sorry mum, but I washed my self, it didn't matter to me.. i just loved white, it was simple, cute, and honest color..

look, how gorgeous they are, wearing white..huhuhu..of course, i didn't looked like them.. =)



after all, after wearing white every day, five times a week ( oh yeah, actually 4th, but last week I hadn't know we used batik every Friday, so i still used my white shirt ), it become annoying..
So irritating! Everyday, using white shirt and black pantalon,it's peevish! I dunno why we can't wear another color, don't they bored if they must use same color on and on??
yeah..yeah...here,in my office, at PP (i think i haven't told you already), every employees must use uniform. Blue in monday and tuesday, grey in wednesday and thursday, batik in friday.
but, for OJT (on Job Training), like i do now, who haven't got the uniform, we must use black and white every time!! Every time! eeeRGH.. YOU WON'T BELIEVE, i felt a bit malice with tika, my roommate. last friday, when we went out to plasa semanggi, big discounts held in centro, and she bought everything she could see, and i just watched her with jealousy. the matter is didn't mean I couldn't afford it, but i just didn't know where would i used it, cuz i couldn't wear anything except white in my office!
she got 2 shirts.. i really loved purple one, 50 % from the excecutive!!! uuugh..sigh!
seems i must replaced my investment for bags and shoes.. let's see later,hehe..

i desperately looked for some cute batik there too, i knew i just could show up in friday (huks, but really didn't matter, sometimes we couldn't get things that we want to, right?), but y'know, i didn't find it! even just one! sigh, i knew batik season had passed, and it's time for line and square pattern --they're everywhere! mostly in oversize shirt design..--, but, please, couldn't I find just one??? I really needed one for my next friday, so i must not wear that peevish white again.
even i started to think that i would get my batik made off. it could better than desperately looked for something not in its era.

however..
i lacked my white's. should buy some asap..if this white era doesn't end asap, i guess, i'll full my cabinet with white. mum's true, i shouldn't crush on white, maybe it's feedback for me, cuz i didn't listen her at time.
can't wait for my uniform. give it to me please!

here i am..coming home now.

Seems my estimation of how busy i am,so i can't blog for long time,is a big no,no. Writing have been an addictive to me,it becomes one of my refresh method from all business,beside shopping,of course,he..
Knowing my cell phone afford my passion for writting,helps me much. I often open my blog from it,and write anything,even just a short note,or something unimportant.
Now,i am sitting on bus which taking me home. It's my first holiday after working whole week,i never feel so grateful of weekend,until now,until i know,how job can make us strongless..ha..
Bus hasn't going. Damn, i hate waiting,esp in messy bus like this. Often, i wondered why there's no good bus from jakarta to sukabumi. Many people come and leave every day,why don't they prepare some vip bus? One day,my uncle--he lives in Jakarta--told me there was vip jakarta - sukabumi bus,with AC (yup,with ac!imagine that!).but its passangers didn't obey the rules.they smoked inside.they made graffiti on seat and window.imagine how they messed up the bus.i didn't understand why it happen.all comfort is given for them,and they wasted it away.
I remember when i went to malaysia for training in university of malaya (edmat,remember?)
I tried many public transportation in kuala lumpur,bus way,sub way,mrt. i couldn't say they work perfectly,but of course --even blind man could see--they worked better than us. No jealousy,only a bit confuse. Indonesia is older than malaysia,according its independence day.i am sure we have good human resources too. We are rich too. You must have heard,in past time,malaysia imported many teachers from us. But,nowadays,they develop better than us in many way.
I do not understand,outta there,people's running away,
And we still crawling like a snails.
Oh,get to go,my bus ready to leave.

one day in office

yeaH.yeah..yeah..
if I make you bored, I really feel sorry, so don't bother to read this. it's only a short updates, not important, don't waste your time by reading my writing.
it's my 5th day on job, 4th day actually, remember, my 1st day???
I still bore, have no idea what to do, but luckily, my side-mates is going out now, so I can use her comp, writing this short updates. yipeee, finally something makes me happy, after repeating my complain on and on..

haha..you must think how dare am I, using comp for netting, in my work time, instead of finishing my work about precast ( I haven't learned it before, I don't know why my campus didn't teach us about it, precast is often used nowadays).
But I really don't care, I just want make myself relax here, although for a while.
Hiding from my boss, silly I know, but so excited, being here, and updating my writing.

Can't wait this afternoon!
Tika planned to ask me going out this night, and it will refresh me much, yup, hope so,, I haven't recognize this city for detail, but I really mean for investigating it deeper, hahaha.. one of my survive-reasons.
Can't wait for tomorrow!
I'm going to go home, see my family, see my home, see my room, all usual things, all ordinary things I've missed!! Haha, so dramatic, I know, but you'll never know how much you miss them, until you leave them. I mean it.
I'm going to fix my "kebaya" for my graduation day. I'm so excited, well..although I'll come only for my faculty's.
Hmm..sure you'll still read this?
it's only my personal note for today, nothing's special..
keep on thinking, what time is it, and how long til I can leave this place.

PS. I haven't taken some pics here. Hopefully, someday I can post it, so you can see my cubicle garden.

Life!

I am bored with life.
What should I do?

Kambing Hitam/black sheep?

Akhir-akhir ini gw merasa mudah sekali benci pada sesuatu.
Gw benci keramaian di Jakarta,always be crowded,never sleep city.
Gw benci suara klakson yg sahut-sahutan,padahal baru jam 7 pagi.
Gw benci suara sinyal palang kereta api yg banyak bgt terdapat diantara jalan gw dari kos ke kantor.
Gw benci udara kering disini yg bikin dekil.
Gw benci metromini yg kotor,dan supirnya yg sering ngebut.
Gw benci ibu-ibu yg lg ngobrol nyerocos di angkot.
Gw benci harus jalan jauh buat dapet angkot.
Gw benci sama pasar minggu yg beceknya setengah mati.
Gw benci kemacetan yg bisa bikin gw tua di jalan.
Gw benci harus jalan sendiri kalo pulang.
Gw benci makan malam sendiri.
Gw benci kota ini. I just don't wanna live inside here.

Tapi gw sadar,
Gw hanya mengkambinghitamkan Jakarta.
Buktinya,
Gw suka teriakan anak-anak waktu kuliah.
Gw suka bunyi klakson berisik angkot-angkot di Semarang.
Gw suka panas Semarang yg bisa ngebakar kulit,
Gw suka,bahkan ga pernah keganggu,sama gemuruh helikopter yg lewat di atas kampus.
Gw suka nunggu dosen sampe berjam-jam.
Gw suka jalan sendirian ke kampus (well,tapi kalo ada temennya lebih baek sih,hehe..)
Gw suka semuanya yg ada di Semarang.

The thing is..I am so lonely.
Gw ngerasa sepi.
I didn't enjoy all.
Makanya gw mengkambinghitamkan Jakarta sedemikian rupa.
It was my denial of loneliness.

Hari pertama

No matter how tough you are,sure you'll get nervous on your first job day..
This morning, I opened my eyes from my short term-sleep time. Today is my first job day. I saw my roommate,felt jealous coz she could sleep a little bit longer than me. It would better if I went back to my sweet dream instead of getting up and preparing all up for my first day.
But,of course,it didn't happen. I still woke up,took a bath,and arranged what kind of clothes which would I use today.

White shirt and black pantalon is okay, but it reminds me to my final paper presentation. I wore it too,and I felt nerd,so I put it down,and started to make another match.

Finally, I picked my black pantalon, but I matched it with my blue-flowery shirt. It had some simple ruffles, I thaught it was quite sweet,and wished that it would good enough.

I used my shoes, a pair of cute-kitten heels,with little bow accent in its corner. Weird, I had no trouble when I bought it, I've been trying it,and walked over and over. I swore there were no problems,til I used it this morning. Was it only my feeling or it really goes bigger than before?
I still wore this shoes,what must I do?
Although I felt uncomfort,tough.
Arrived at my new office,a shocking news came to me. We would get info for our replacement today! And we would go there, ASAP, TOMMOROW!
Whaaaaat?
Tommorow?
Hell no,no..please God,,I prayed..please,don't let it happen to me. I've been fed up with this moving thing!
No,no..I didn't want it did again.

They would tell us where would we stay at noon. Before that,we should have some medical test. Some annoying test,according to me,of course.
I hated injection. So much. But,whatever,they had to take my blood,so they did it.
Thanks for God,my blood was taken by a cute-cool-charming-yummy doctor! I didn't even sure he was a doctor,coz he was so young!

Hahaha,after few medical test,we got back to our office,and now..time to know where would we go..
Jakarta?
Surabaya?
Medan?
Haha.. I was so nervous,my heart beated fast..
Geez, I really wanted staying here,in Jakarta. Second choice laid on Surabaya..
But Medan?
Weew! Medan?Medan was so far for me.
Thanks,thanks,thanks God! I was replaced in head office. I still stayed here,at Jakarta. I didn't believe on my fortune. Hufs,thanks a lot God, 4jji SWT.

Edmat 31

Gatel gw pingin nulis lg!
It has already late here,it's almost midnight,but I am still awake. Tadi padahal ngantuk bgt,uda sampe ketiduran,tapi Tika dateng bawain nasi goreng dari Es Teler 77 (yg katanya dibeliin mas Anwar,thanks a lot mas!),dan gw akhirnya bangun buat makan,and..here I am. Crawling in my insomnia,dunno what to do..
Akhirnya gw mutusin buat nge-net bentar,browsing with my cell phone. Suprise! Waktu baca bulbo di fs,ada bulbo yg bilang kalo pendaftaran EDMAT 31 udah dibuka!
Waw..ga kerasa,it feels like yesterday,padahal udah 2 taon lalu gw ikutan camp yg sama,waktu itu masih EDMAT 29.
EDMAT which stands for Engineering Development Motivation and Training,merupakan salah satu program kreatif dari mahasiswa teknik Universitas Malaya di Malaysia. Idenya simple,like summer camp,it was about 10 days, and it was held for local and overseas universities.
Kebetulan UNDIP salah satunya.
Selama 10 hari,banyak bgt kegiatan yg seru!
Dari mulai seminar2x (self-motivation,how to sell ourselves,writing CV and cover letter,etc), public speaking, debat, outbond (they have beautiful lake for kayaking and facilities for flying fox!), fun games (start from puzzle game, game2 17 agustusan, sampe game detektif kayak conan!), charity (ngunjungin rumah sakit dan panti asuhan), city trip (I'll never forget when I was standing at the bridge of KL Twin Tower,it was windy,and the bridge was swaying over and over) and gala dinner.
It must be most precious moment in my life. Lotsa new friends, unforgetable journey,enjoy. At least, gw malah serasa ga mau pulang,he..

Liat pengumuman tadi,gw jadi inget aja sama masa2 itu. Kangen sama anak2 alumni EDMAT 29. Kapan gw bisa ketemu mereka lagi, dan bukannya sekedar say hello di fs?
Gw harap saat itu tiba, saat dimana gw bisa ketemu mereka lg..

PS.
Buat yg berminat,,you can contact me for further informations.
Ato kalo ga,hubungin PD 1 FT UNDIP.

a new life

it's me again..

this month, I've spent much time for writing in this blog..dunno, I have a feeling that I'll have less time for blogging after starting my new life..
I'll go to Jakarta today,in next two hours. It scares me..
mungkin, cuma orang - orang pengecut aja yang takut buat memulai sesuatu yang baru, dan even I hate being called as a loser, I'm still frightened.
gw masih bertanya - tanya aja, bakal jadi apa hidup gw disana, kayak gimana keseharian gw yang bakal beda jauh sama hari - hari gw ke belakang..

Mingu - minggu ini penuh sama perasaan gelisah. I can't concentrate of everything, be unfocused, pessimistic. I didn't show it to anyone, I denied this feeling, but it was there. Ada ngehantuin pikiran gw.. As I said before, human can easily be influenced by their own mind. today, I only have negative thinking in my mind, and it says that I can't through it all.

Silly..
Padahal gw sering nasihatin orang tentang being positive, trust ourselves, being confident, hahaha.. gw sendiri ga bisa netapin itu hari ini..
Gw capek banget.. Mobilitas gw akhir2 ini padat banget.. Gw baru kemaren nyampe dari Semarang, sekarang harus pergi lagi ke Jakarta..
Packing and unpacking has been my life for this week. Capek banget. I'm doing everything alone, and it makes me nervous.
I've been trapped in my own emotion, my PMS, geez...it's easier to run..
ga tau, kenapa tiba - tiba jadi manja..
helluw,ini Jakarta gitu.. ga lebih jauh dari Semarang. I can go home whenever I want (of course I won't, kayak ntar kalo udah kerja, bisa cabut kapan aja..)

Gw malu ngeluh terus, gw malu jadi lemah kayak gini.. I should thankful for everything. Sometimes, people never be thankful and always ask for more. I don't wanna be kinda it. Gw mau terus maju, meski gw ga tau ada apa di hadapan gw..
gw pingin trus semangat, walo hari - hari gw ga bakal kayak dulu lagi.
I've wondering kapan ya gw bisa ngisi blog gw dengan sesuatu yang lebih ceria??
Akhir - akhir ini kayaknya isinya sendu, melankolis,hehe..ga banget deh pokoknya!!
hope I'll gonna keep writing, still in this way, and always be myself in my new life..

Au revoir! See u later!

Here I am,sitting on the bus which taking me home.. I really GO HOME for now,which means I've done with my college's life,back to my home for a while,and preparing my new life in our country's capital.. It's so hard..there's no farewell,I just sent few messages to my closest friends..
Always hard to say goodbye,although it doesn't mean that we won't meet again..but,y'know..things'll never be the same again.. I've been living my 4 years-college life with them,can't imagine how life would be without them..
Basecamp guys,basecamp girls..I am missing them now..only God know how much I love,how much I care..sounds childish,but hope there's a way for us living like this forever!

Andesit,the other reason of my sadness today..
Honestly,I feel absurds. The thing is his existence influences me much. I used to be with him,and it will need hard adaptation to make myself common of his absent.
Dunno what'll happen,and how long it takes,but I'll try..simple,because I love him..

Leaving my boarding home,where I've stayed for 2 years,gives me a consious that I'll face new life (u can read at my two last blogs)


I am watching outside my window. Things are running behind fast,my bus is taking me away from this city,from all memories,all silly things in past..
I'll be moving foward,to my future,outta this city..
Maybe I'll come back,
Someday,

So... 'til we meet again?

It's raining outside,quite hard..it was very hard exactly,like a storm,I am serious..lotsa fallen trees along my way to campus,even it's forbidden to anyone who like coming towards..
Like a weirdo,I ran outside my boarding home,got through a rain,
I am not kinda person who adores rain.. I hate being wet,esp.my feet..ergggh!my mum asked me buying her batagor,geez..where d hell I'll going to find that?!
Admitting some voice who forced me to stay,I went and looked for it..
Even we--my boy and I-- used car (btw,thx to andesit's dad who lend me his car),not motorcycle like we used to be,we still got wet!
Rain came through our car's window,sprinkled,and I felt I was running outside,damn!

I blamed my mum,her jerk request,it was very difficult looking foward batagor in after Lebaran-day like this!

Finally..we didn't find it!
I bought my mum bread,made sure for myself that she would understand..

Huh,know what's going on?she even didn't remember ordering that BATAGOR!
Geez!
After all sacrifies... I dunno what to say,my mother is windy person..

Jealousy..Goals must be created!

let's creating goals!!!

once I was reading very great blogs, futagoza by sherina munaf and brainstorm by eva celia lesmana..

Weeew... I was shocked!!!
No way, what a damn perfect English!!!
I envy them...especially Eva Celia.. (visit her blog, you can find it in mine, I've made a link). How come a 15 years old girl could write narration like that!!! So deep, full of very complicated vocab, it is very unusual!!

Hehehe... I'm a little bit jealous.. They--two girls above--must be influenced by situation around. C'mon, nowadays, what things that couldn't be got by socialite like them???
he, I'm a little bit jealous..I don't blame anything or anyone, just feel any regret, why didn't I try harder then?? I've been facilitated, but I was quite calm. I had no ambition, no spirit being a better person.. I just felt everything was quite good enough..

I was wrong.. Everyone says that I am good in English, so talented, but see the two young lady!!! How great they are!! I can't be compared with them, and it's my fault..
So, let's creating our own goals from now! Don't be afraid to imagine as high as you can.. most important is you've thought about it..writing them down is the 1st step..and you know, thousands steps is started by a small 1st step..

what's your goal???
let's think about it from now..

Last night in the greatest room ever..

Breathless...

It's ending of a journey,
My own journey..
Lying on my bed in Semarang, I'm typing on my cell phone,writing this blog while thinking..
There were many things have been happened.. Sad, happy, guilty..
Love, hate, so much emotion I've already feel here..
My room in Semarang isn't quite big...
Even you can call it small..
But,dare me,I feel no place could give any safety or comforty like here..

I'll be missing this place..
Honestly, I'm missing it now..
On my own ego, I don't wanna let it go..
I juz wanna being here, here in my usual place, place which needn't any adaptation or explanation..

I dunno, but I have to go,
Leaving all these things away.. It really makes me senseless.. Do I do the right way?

I'm sick of these whole moving things!
I've already packed.. My room is so messy now,it's full of many packs..
My mother is here,sitting next to me,but she says nothing,,
Perhaps she thinks that I can through it all alone,but I don't think so..

Man grows, people change..
Like or dislike, I have to leave.. Noone force me, it should come from my own consious, that I must go on, no matter what will be leaved..

I'm gazing at my trapesium ceiling.. It's full of dust and spider's web..
I'll be missing my ceiling..
Nope, I'm not kidding.. It has been 2 years,so riddiculous,if you say we-me and my room-aren't mean to be..
We've been tied up to a bond..something I can't understand..

Realize this room will be someones someday,it hurts me..
Say I am so dramatic,yup,I am Mrs.Drama Queen,but nothing can change my feeling tonight..

I see my mother..
She seems sleepy.. She says,'gosh dela..put your cell phone,please..go to sleep,it's already night'

It seems I must end this up..

P.U.J.I.A.N?????

"blog km bagus ya....keep writing...kalo bisa in english...biar sekalian belajar writing...mana tw ntar lanjut s2....i'll keep follow you writings...it is really great...i mean it!"

Humm...it feels so good pas baca salah satu testimoni yang gw dapet di friendster dari seorang senior yang ummm... should I write his name??? kayaknya ga usah yaaa,,, ntar dia besar kepala lagi.. just call he is Mr. Nice guy,hohooo,,,

What's the point???
The point is everybody love compliment!!! Yeah...who won't??
I love it too..
Bukannya "gila pujian" ya..
But compliment can make us feel better, feel a little respect from anyone..

Awal gw ngeblog juga, tujuannya emang bukan diliat orang siiih..just wanna to share my feeling, nothing else,,
I used to write in my diary..jujur uda banyak banget jumlahnya..
so, kenapa ga gw coba nge-blog???
I didn't expect someone read this (all my writings) and make any judgement..
I didn't expect any comment, I don't care whether anyone care or not..
The point is I made it for my own reason..

Tapi..
Tau kalo seseorang baca tulisan2 gw, it feels so good!!!
Sumpah gw ga boong, gw ngerasa lebih dihargai aja..Lebih diperhatiin..
Yup, people do need emphasis too..
Hal itu bikin gw lebih semanget aja..semanget buat nulis, semanget buat ngembangin tulisan-tulisan gw..

Sekali lagi, intinya pujian itu penting..
jangan takut buat memuji orang lain.. (tentu aja dalam batas kewajaran)
Kamu ga bakal pernah tau, apa yang nanti terjadi sama seseorang yang kamu puji..
Sapa tau, itu bakal nambah kepercayaan diri orang itu, bakal bikin dia ga minder lagi, atau bahkan ningkatin kekuatan pikirannya!!!
Never underestimate the power of mind!!!
Inget filosofinya "The Secret" kan??
"Apabila kamu memikirkan sesuatu yang positif, pikiranmu akan mengirim sinyal positif ke alam semesta, dan alam akan membalas sinyal positif itu padamu"
(bener ga sii??pokoknya intinya gitu..)
Tapiii, tau sendiri kan, kalo pikiran manusia selalu dipenuhi sama negative thinkings yang ga jelas..
So..disinilah peran pujian itu..
Buat membangun kekuatan positif dari pikiran manusia!!!

Jadi...
ga ada salahnya memuji orang..
We do love compliment,right????

god...say it doesn't happen to my life...!

Can't breath..

that's what I feel..
I really have no idea where'll I go, what'll I do for my next future..
that's so riddicoulus,,

Setelah semua yang uda dikorbanin buat nyelesain kuliah..so, what next???
harus ngapain??

Realize, it's all about achieving your dream..
Your real dream, without any influence from anyone else..
(honestly, someone told me this..thanks a lot mas..sorry for being so annoying and spoiled,hehee)
Tapi, gw masi bingung, sebenernya apa yang mau gw cari sih di hidup??Apa??

Dan yang lebih annoying lagi, di saat gw uda make sure with one decision, pihak2 laen dateng dan ngebuyarin semua planning gw!!!
(baca pihak2 laen itu sebagai "ayah, ibu, tante, oom,dan semua keluargaku")
Kenapa siiih???That's my life, nobody can take that away from me!!
Tapi, emang disini losernya gw...gw ga bisa nolak perkataan, "cuma sekali ini kami minta...masa kamu ga mau ngebahagiain kami???"

I feel like a doll, unself-controll, HARUS selalu ngikutin semua yang mereka pikir terbaek buat jalan hidup aku ke depannya,,
Buat masalah itu, bukankah ga ada yang tau??
damn, I can't pick a suitable label for myself..
LOSER...LOSER BANGET SIH GW...
KENAPA GW GA BISA BILANG "ENGGAK!"

God, please show me the way..
I was scared,,
I do now...
Feels so hopeless, ya 4jji....
They say "you will be really hurt by the people you love most.."

I do feel it now..

suatu saat setelah kelulusan..

Job seeker...


Itu status gw sekarang..

yaaah, nama lain dari pengangguran siiih..

Sumpah, sirik banget kalo liat temen - temen gw yang lain udah pada kerja, ga minta duit lagi dari orang tua..

Tapi mau bagaimana lagi..kerjaan datengnya kan ga bisa dipaksa.
Kalo emang udah ada rezekinya, pasti akhirnya kita dapet juga..

Susah pastinya, buat jaga perasaan superior, dan berpikir, "kok dia bisa keterima sih, padahal gw merasa lebih baek daripada dia..???"

Tapi, inget aja, fate dan destiny orang itu beda-beda..
Jangan sampe ngerasa iri dan dengki sama posisi orang lain..
Siapa tau suatu saat nanti dia yang bakal ngasih kerjaan ke kamu..
Yakin aja, just believe..
You'll get it..
You will..when you believe..

Seseorang pernah ngomong ke gw, kunci kesuksesan itu ada 5..
Berani, semangan, SABAR, IKHLAS, dan tawakal..
Gw tau dua point kapital di atas sulit banget dijalanin, apalagi sebagai seorang mahasiswa yang baru lulus, yang idealismenya masih meledak - ledak..
Tapi, as human, all we've got to do is try, work hard, pray..

Dan gw berusaha melakukan itu semua..

Honestly tell me that is OVER...

Ya Allah. . . .

I am in the pink today!!!

Ga nyangka akhirnya semuanya akn bermuara ke suatu ending yang bahagia seperti ini!
(tapi kalo dibilang ending juga kok kurang tepat ya...paling bener kalo ini disebut sebagai awal dari hidup baru...hehe, kata2nya kayak mau nikah aja..)

Akhrnya setelah 4 tahun, mengenyam semua susah duka di Sipil....Tugas - tugas yang bikin eeeerrrggh..nungguin dosen sampai tua (sampe punya quote favorit, "Menunggu adalah hal yang mulia dan misterius", hehe,,), kuliah yang item putih, anak - anak yang suka ngejekin, sampai TA yang rasanya bikin jungkir balik... finally it's over..

Sumpah, pagi tadi, rasanya udah kayak ibu - ibu yang mau ngelahirin anak pertamanya..
Perut udah tegang ga keruan, sampe bolak - balik kamar mandi..
Ketawa terus, bisa dibilang histeris malah..
Nungguin ketiga penguji yang akhirnya dateng setelah telat setengah jam dari jadwal..

Tapi, magically, setelah mulai presentasi, segala ketegangan dan kepanikan itu ilang!!!

Yup, mungkin hasil dari presentasi dan ngemsi selama 4 tahun ini, jadi gw ga terlalu terkena demam panggung pas presentasi..

Tapi, bebannya dateng lagi pas sesi tanya jawab, dimana salah satu penguji nanyain sesuatu yang blank bgt aku ga ngerti!
Tapi emang bener kata Tika, pokoknya jawab aja sebisanya La!
I did it and it worked...!!!

Pokoknya sejauh ini, sementara semuanya telah berakhir..
Gw tau ada sesuatu yang baru menunggu setelah semua ini..
Tapi sebelum itu,
biarkan gw menarik nafas panjang dulu...fiuuuuuuuuuh...

sidang, something important or too much DRAMA?

Waw!!!
The day is coming!

Akhirnya gw bisa melangkah ke ruang sidang!!!

hehe..
rabu nanti, akhirnya gw bisa sidang juga.. campur aduk rasanya, tapi penyakit jelek dan lama itu keluar lagi.. GA PEDE!
Gw juga ga tau kenapa, tapi berkat ketidakpedean itu, masalah menyusul di belakangnya.. Dari mulai nervous, deg-degan, panik sendiri..

Partner gw bilang itu berlebihan... So much drama!!
Cowok gw bilang itu ga penting, toh aku pasti lulus..
Tapiiii... hellllluuuuuuuuuuuw!!!!
Is there anyone who can get my condition???
Someone must understand about it.. Ini kan sidang S1 pertama dalam hidup gw!!! Buat pertama kalinya gw bakal pake blazer Valino Donna itu, dan melangkah ke ruang sidang!
Untuk pertama kalinya gw bakal ngomong di depan ketiga penguji gw.. (yang perlu gw informasiin, dua diantaranya mirip Indra Lesmana dan Yovie Widianto!)

Hufs...OK, gw berlebihan..

Mungkin juga rasa exciting yang membuat gw bertindak seperti ini, I have no idea..

into the wild

Into The Wild...

yang aku rasain tentang film ini -atau mungkin lebih tepatnya kisah hidup Chris McCandless- adalah ketidakmengertian..

Christoper McCandless baru berusia 22 tahun, ketika dia lulus dari University of Emory, Atlanta dengan gelar yang MEMUASKAN.
hampir semua nilainya A, dia berpotensi masuk ke Harvard, orang tuanya cukup mampu (bahkan kaya) untuk membiayainya masuk Harvard..

Hampr memiliki semuanya, aku bener2 ga ngerti, kenapa dia meninggalkan semuanya untuk sebuah pengalaman hidup di alam bebas yang berakhir tragis?

Chris memutuskan untuk pergi ke alam bebas, menyumbangkan semua uangnya di tabungan, membakar semua identitas yang dia punya, meninggalkan mobilnya,,
Dia memutuskan bahwa hidup yang dijalaninya selama ini adalah suatu kepura-puraan.
Ada juga sedikit cerita tentang bagaimana kehidupannya selama ini tidak bahagia, orang tuanya hidup diantara kepalsuan, dimana ayahnya ternyata sudah menikah sebelum bertemu dengan ibu Chris.
Diceritakan juga pertengkaran-pertengkaran kedua orang tuanya, yang mungkin mendorong Chris untuk pergi..

Chris benar-benar pergi tanpa uang, dia hanya membawa sedikit makanan, tanpa peta, tanpa jam..




Aku ga paham..
Aku ga mengerti..
OK, Chris ingin pergi untuk mencari kehidupan yang nyata..
Kehidupan di alam bebas, yang jauh dari kebohongan2 orang tuanya, kepalsuan yang selama ini dijalaninya, dan kewajiban selama 4 tahun bersekolah hanya untuk menyenangkan kedua orang tuanya.
Dia ingin pergi dari semua itu..
Dia ingin mencari kebahagiaan sejati..


Tapi, pada akhirnya,
entah apa itu ada gunanya..
apakah dia menemukan kebahagiaan itu?
pada esensinya, bukankah kebahagiaan itu hanya akan menjadi sesuatu yang real, ketika itu dibagi??

Apakah Chris memiliki seseorang atau sesuatu untuk berbagi kebahagiaan?

Memang benar, kebahagiaan itu sejatinya berasal dari diri kita sendiri, bukan dari hubungan antara diri kita dan orang lain..

Tapi ketika kita sendirian, di luar dunia ini, di luar masyarakat ini,
apakah kita akan benar-benar menemukan kebahagiaan itu?

Chris memiliki banyak orang yang mencintainya..
Orang tuanya, walau mungkin dengan cara yang berbeda..
Adiknya, Carine, yang selalu menunggu surat atau telepon dari abangnya..
Orang-orang yang dia temui dalam perjalanannya..

Yang aku ga ngerti, kenapa dia mengorbankan begitu banyak cinta yang dia punya..
Apakah itu sebanding dengan yang dia dapat?

Pada intinya, manusia selalu hidup untuk orang lain,,
siapapun dia..

Chris adalah seorang manusia yang unik..
Aku ga menentang pemahamannya, filosofinya, walau sampai sekarang aku belum bisa mengikuti jalan pikirannya,,

a little bit of chaotic..

a little bit of chaotic. . .

seems so fit to describe today and yesterday. . .

buat ngegandain and ngejilid laporan TA sebanyak 7 kali dalam waktu semalem ternyata bukan masalah kecil..
Dari mulai nge-print terus menerus, sampe bosen duduk di lab, sampe nontonin semua film yang ada di hardisk-na Teguh (partnerku), sampe rasanya ni punggung tegang bgt!
(Well, mommy... aku bener2 butuh tukang pijit nii..)

Dan, setelah ampir selese nggandainnya, baru sadar kalo header sama footernya salah!! (how fool we were!!)
Tapi, ya sudahlah, gw menganggapnya hanya sebuah kevariasian...

Well,
today is weirder than yesterday..
describe an euphoria when you have done your final paper and we didn't feel it..
it was flat, coz we know, it ain't over..
masi ada SP Rekpon Teguh (yang bener2 bikin gw pusing, tertekan, gak nyaman, dan emosional!)

Helluw, describe the meaning of final paper???

Harusnta tugas itu dikerjain paling AKHIR kan???

Oh, well..
ternyata Rekaya Pondasi ga mau kalah sama Tugas Akhir, coz dia berusaha buat jadi final papernya Teguh, dan menghalang-halangi langkah kita menuju pendadaran..

Oh, well down, "tanah"...
seolah belum cukup aja menimbulkan kekacauan dalam 4 tahun kulaih gw..

Tapi,
it's over..
setidaknya begitu yang dikatakan dosen wali gw tadi..

finally, gw bisa pendadaran..

uh really???
I don't know...
Let's see later..

INGATLAH SUPRIYADI, WAHAI ANAK-ANAK BANGSA!

Hari ini gila banget. . .

Laugh out loud all day. . .

Ga brenti2. . .ga tau kenapa. . .

Awalnya, pas tadi pagi gw baca sebuah artikel di Kompas, yang bilang kalo ada seorang pegawai keresidenan di Semarang, namanya kalo ga salah Andaryoko, umurnya 89 tahun, yang ngaku2 kalo dia itu Supriyadi. . .

well, whether it's true or not, gw langsung teriak2 ke partner TA gw (who is nearest person around me), "Guh. . . Guh. . . Liat,liat ni ada orang yang ngaku2 Supriyadi!!"

tapi, tanggepan yang gw terima sama sekali ga seru,
padahal gw udah heboh, seheboh2nya, lebai, selebai2nya. . .

Teguh (partner gw) cuma bilang, "Supriyadi sapa sih???"


WHAAAAT????
Masa sih ga tau Supriyadi siapa??
Akhirnya gw mencak2 sendiri, trus bertekad nanyain semua anak2 di kampus tentang Supriyadi. .


jawabannya parah!!!
Savitri bilang, "Itu sapanya Sudirman ya???"

Andesit bilang, "Itu kan pahlawan revolusi itu kan. . . ",
yang tegas langsung dibantah sama Sebeh, "bukaaan....dia itu yangt ikut PKI!!!"

Intinya ngawur!

Parah bgt, masa ga ada yang tau Supriyadi sedikit pun???

bukan berarti gw salah satu fansnya, dan bener2 mengikuti perjalanan hidupnya,
tapi at least, gw inget dia karena namanya yang mudah diinget!

OK, namanya emang ga setenar duo Bung Karno-Hatta, Bung Tomo, Jenderal Sudirman, Ahmad Yani, ato pahlawan - pahlawan lainnya, tapi Supriyadi juga berjasa lho!

Beliau memimpin pemberontakan PETA melawan tentara Jepang di Blitar, tahun 1945.
Akhir dari Supriyadi ga ketauan, soalnya beliau dikabarkan hilang, tapi ada juga yang bilang kalo dia dieksekusi Jepang..

makanya Pak Andaryoko ini masih diragukan apakah dia the real Supriyadi ato bukan..

tapi gw kasian aja, jarang banget ada orang yang inget siapa Supriyadi ini..

akhir kata, Teguh malah bilang, "Oleh karena itu La, dia ngakunya jadi Supriyadi, orang2 pada ga tau siapa Supriyadi...coba ngakunya jadi Bung Karno, ga mungkin kan???"

Ergh!!!